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How to Girl

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  • How to Girl

    Congratulations on choosing to live life as a girl!
    Please be sure to turn your freedom in at the entrance
    Your uniform will be anything that will give off the impression
    that you are a shapeless blob
    Because we don’t want any boys not thinking or losing control due to what you wear
    even if they are considered the more rational sex
    Remember to be yourself! But don’t be too feminine
    because people won’t take you seriously
    But engaging in masculine activity is always encouraged
    Hooray for "boy" stuff!
    Make friends with boys but validate your friendship by stating
    that you’re “not like other girls”
    You are the “special snowflake” breed of girl that thinks and acts like a boy
    because thinking and acting like a girl is wrong
    So basically: think like a boy; look like a girl
    Because nobody cares about your silly little girl brain!
    But your looks, my fortunate fellow female, are on display
    It’s your responsibility to look your best and to remind boys
    that you are supernaturally flawless
    Because if a boy is happy with how you look, so are you!
    But always refer to rule number one
    You don’t want a boy going crazy on you because you look pretty
    don’t you?
    If you have any questions, complaints, or concerns,
    please hesitate to ask
    Rules are rules, and a girl is supposed to follow them
    If you try and speak up, everyone will get annoyed with your thinking
    and questioning of society
    and we wouldn’t want that, would we?

  • #2
    V.M.Freyer, I like How to Girl very much indeed! For a while I thought progress was being made and girls were gradually assuming jobs formerly assigned only to boys. But increasingly I realize I was wrong. Your poem is excellent! For some odd reason, I'm reminded of the books of Louisa May Alcott (not just Little Women but all her books). One was Under the Lilacs, where Babs deliberately loses an archery contest to a boy she likes. He compliments her by saying she is "'most as good as a boy" (highest Victorian compliment, evidently). Good for you for writing on a subject that should have been put to rest a long time ago! Monica