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the crosswalk kraken

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  • the crosswalk kraken

    "the crosswalk kraken"

    the rooftops feathered in aerie down
    the streets are icy in my hometown
    each crosswalk entered might be your last
    the light turns green and i'm crossing fast
    the snowflakes fluttering falling down

    you know the moment you step on some
    your traction fails and the world goes numb
    there are no atheists in midair
    nor true believers, no time for prayer
    suspended angel, evolved pond scum

    too soon, you're no longer hanging there
    falling assbackwards: rapt drivers stare
    all glad they're not that poor bastard, plumb
    assured as he is to bang his bum
    on the cold asphalt, which to my embar-

    rassment i did; got up, scuffed past
    the honking throng; a kind woman asked
    me 'are you hurt?' - 'just my pride,' i clowned
    'that'll heal,' she smiled... in my hometown
    a lady's smile is an aerie mast

    _____________

    Hi (1st post).

    Not sure if it's faux pas to explain, but the title: the rhyme and meter are based on "The Road Not Taken", except I slipped up (appropriately enough): aabba instead of abaab; however, i chain rhyme verses 2 + 3 and 1 + 4, so there: take that, Frost, ya big hack! (just kidding; he's a very good poet). The title is a joke based on Frost's, not because of any similarity in content or tone, only number of verses, meter and rhyme (slip-up notwithstanding).
    Last edited by iCaRuS; 04-10-2016, 03:28 AM. Reason: link / ampersands / smiley

  • #2
    I like this! I really stands alone, no explanation needed! though I appreciated reading it. Your title is really unique and i had to read this. So glad that I did ! Nice work iCaRuS !
    My favorite:
    you know the moment you step on some
    your traction fails and the world goes numb
    there are no atheists in midair
    nor true believers, no time for prayer
    suspended angel, evolved pond scum

    Comment


    • iCaRuS
      iCaRuS commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, Suz-zen. I like that stanza best too. One of the things I like about rhyme is how it can switch tone, make a typically serious subject like religion silly, and vice versa (a silly subject like falling on my butt serious). Not just by rhyming of course, it depends how you word it. But it gives you license to find slightly odd ways to say things, or slightly odd things to say, for the sake of the rhyme, which seem either to musically reinforce the mood, or flip it, as an unexpected punchline, or an abrupt engraving.

    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      Oh my gosh yes! Slightly odd ways! Brilliant! Unexpected is what I admire and deserves adoration! Thanks for sharing!

  • #3
    I can relate to this - taken too many falls on the ice and jumped up hoping no one saw me and the anticipation of pain. I was right there with you. Great write!!

    Comment


    • iCaRuS
      iCaRuS commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks, AlexandratheLate (ha - nice nick). I at least got a poem for the pain, so might have been worth it in the end (ouch!), though I doubt I would have thought so at the time.

  • #4
    iCaRuS, thank you for "the crosswalk kraken" -- highly original and brilliant in its composition! Monica

    Comment


    • iCaRuS
      iCaRuS commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, Monica. Gosh - all this praise just for falling on my butt is rather humbling.
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