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November Rain

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  • November Rain

    hearts
    as cold as sleet
    beating frigidly
    within a desolated cavity

    a wasteland of remembrance
    teetering on madness
    echoes thoughts of insanity

    where words
    vitriolic at best
    cuts deep
    beneath the soul

    a place
    where beauty once lived
    lay ugly and abandoned...

    and as winter creeps
    through cracks long forgotten
    love
    lies trampled in the madness

  • #2
    Meaningful and significant write. I appreciate your style or writing.

    Comment


    • Odonko-ba
      Odonko-ba commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you my friend

  • #3
    Wow! Razor-like precision, sparse and precise. Lovely!

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    • Odonko-ba
      Odonko-ba commented
      Editing a comment
      I'm truly glad you enjoyed it. Thank you.

  • #4
    I love it. The message and style. And not one word wasted. I liked how you used one word lines.

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    • #5
      Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

      Comment


      • #6
        Hi, Odonko-ba. You have your own voice, and a beautiful one, too. Thanks for sharing.

        Comment


        • Odonko-ba
          Odonko-ba commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you for taking the time. Much appreciated.

      • #7
        This one really touched me - the heart rendering desolation. Cuts right through you.

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        • #8
          Thank you poet. I'm glad you liked it.

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          • #9
            This is one of my favorites.

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            • #10
              Late to this. I echo the praise above, Odonko-ba. Small grammar amend: third line of third stanza, should be 'cut deep', yes?

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              • Odonko-ba
                Odonko-ba commented
                Editing a comment
                Yes you are correct my friend. First let me say, I'm deeply appreciative that you took the time to read my poem, let alone comment. I will make that change directly. Second, I truly admire your writing. The insight and profundity of your words always encourage thought. Thank you my friwnd.

            • #11
              I want to study this over and over again to learn your style Odonko-ba. It gives me beautiful shivers.

              Comment


              • Odonko-ba
                Odonko-ba commented
                Editing a comment
                As you have just given me beautiful shivers by your comment. Thank you.
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