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Curse of my cursed purse

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  • Curse of my cursed purse

    Red like on fire, were the eyes of the demon
    The demon that screwed, destroyed everyone

    Everyone was afraid, scared and scarred
    Scarred on their faces, fighting against the guard

    The guards were the politicians, the demon was corruption
    The demon left the puny people, no other option

    The option to rise, fight kill or injure
    Injure the demon, commit a kind murder

    Kind enough for the people, the guards let them know
    Know about their power, their might and their flow

    The flow of the people, joining the queue didnt stop
    The queue which could reach , a friggin mountain top

    At a mountain towering the sky, the demon laughed
    Laughing obscurely, he stood up and coughed

    Coughing he uttered, some ugly words to the crowd,
    "Crowd", he said,"listen to me, listen before you feel proud

    I proudly feed on these guards , as they feed off me,
    Off goes our partnership, that could never be.

    Be it one person, or be it the entire planet
    The entire population has me in them, be it the goldsmith or the one who sells a carrot

    I sell myself to you, in every little form
    Any form in which I can transfer, look inside the storm

    Look inside you, And visualize your past
    The past where in you did me, you did me real fast

    Fast if not YOU remove me totally from within you,
    Within those dark prophecies, I ll spread like nobody knew

    Nobody blames the guards, they do what you do,
    It's you who can make the difference, so stop pointing at the crew"

    Pointing towards the people, laughing like a demon,
    The demon vanished into thin air, so did everyone

    Everyone took a part of the demon on their inside,
    Cuz inside on they knew, this is something they should hide.

  • #2
    Interesting symbolism used, and I like how (for the most part) the poet has re-cycled a word from the second line of each couplet, in order to launch into the first line of the next couplet. Some of the rhyming seems forced and predictable (where the rhyme does not advance the poem so much.) There is also some awkward wording which then makes the couplet somewhat awkward in its presentation and meaning.

    eg.
    Look inside you, And visualize your past
    The past where in you did me, you did me real fast

    consider reworking
    eg.
    Peer inside yourself, Now visualize your past

    You invited me in, and dark shadows I've cast

    I encourage you to continue fine-tuning this piece, as it's unusual and very interesting. Best of luck in the contest.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by pipersfancy View Post
      Interesting symbolism used, and I like how (for the most part) the poet has re-cycled a word from the second line of each couplet, in order to launch into the first line of the next couplet. Some of the rhyming seems forced and predictable (where the rhyme does not advance the poem so much.) There is also some awkward wording which then makes the couplet somewhat awkward in its presentation and meaning.

      eg.
      Look inside you, And visualize your past
      The past where in you did me, you did me real fast

      consider reworking
      eg.
      Peer inside yourself, Now visualize your past

      You invited me in, and dark shadows I've cast

      I encourage you to continue fine-tuning this piece, as it's unusual and very interesting. Best of luck in the contest.

      ‚Äčpipersfancy Uh that actually was meant to create two meanings, one where in a person is doing a deed that is corruption enhancing and 2nd was to uhm well create an innuendo ..that I accept was immature, but I like writing stuff that,atleast once, makes the audience chuckle if they are not into the poem..

      Comment


      • #4
        "Everyone took a part of the demon on their inside" I like this metaphor, it reminds me about how bad could be sometimes people. They will do harm even though it won't change anything but it will destroy them.

        Comment


        • #5
          "Everyone took a part of the demon on their inside" I like this metaphor, it reminds me about how bad could be sometimes people. They will do harm even though it won't change anything but it will destroy them. I really tell you that envy and hate do not do anything good in people's life. But I fel that harm and didn't know hoe to get rid of it and how to stopt it. A friend of mine told me that spell works pretty well, so casting a powerful binding spell to stop someone from doing harm helped me.

          Comment

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