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Fifty-Two Words for Snow

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  • Fifty-Two Words for Snow

    On the wind through the Berkshires
    the snow hisses and stirs;
    Dancing amidst the branches
    it pirouettes and swerves.

    Pouring down an escarpment
    it gleams cold in the sun;
    Roiling without abatement:
    brilliant flecks against dun.

    Drifted along a fence-row
    it crowds bramble and weeds;
    Encircling far meadows,
    it lies soft 'neath the trees.

    By night it pads blithely
    treading mountains and streams;
    A shroud as clean and comely
    as a penitent's dreams.

    The Steward of Fallen Leaves
    which whitewashes all sin;
    Bestow your bleak embrace, please,
    and let me forget that which has been.

  • #2
    Has Nothing to do with Community, but is very good

    Comment


    • D.F.Russell
      D.F.Russell commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you, but 'community' has many meanings. Simply by commenting, you've demonstrated that.

      http://www.businessdictionary.com/de...community.html

      Note: no offence intended.
      Last edited by D.F.Russell; 01-20-2016, 03:35 PM.

    • Tunesmiff
      Tunesmiff commented
      Editing a comment
      Actually, I believe the title ties in community quite well, as " 52 words for snow " is community-centric, speaking to or of those who live together and intimately with each other and their environment.

      Just my pair o'pennies...

      g
      Last edited by Tunesmiff; 03-29-2016, 06:37 PM.

  • #3
    It feels like a peppermint patty

    Comment


    • Suz-zen
      Suz-zen commented
      Editing a comment
      LOVE this comment!! Totally get it!!! yes! a Peppermint Patty!!

  • #4
    Hi Sarah, interesting comment Thank you.

    Comment


    • #5
      This work has a beautiful feel to in, much like the touch of soft, snowy flakes as they meet the ground. I really like the poet's use of both true and proximal rhyme in the a/b/a/b patterned quatrains. My only suggestion for the poet to consider, and it's a small nit at that, is contained in the line:

      it lies soft 'neath the trees.

      — the shortening of beneath to 'neath is unnecessary in my opinion, although I understand why the poet has done so. For me, this use of elision doesn't work well primarily due to the fact that no other word has been shortened in this manner in the work (so, consistency is somewhat disrupted.) Also, in its current form, this line feels somewhat clumsier and out of place within the beautiful flow of the poem as a whole. Perhaps an alternative may be considered.

      e.g. it lies soft beneath trees.

      I truly enjoyed this read, you've penned a lovely poem! Good luck in the contest.

      Comment


      • D.F.Russell
        D.F.Russell commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi Pipersfancy,

        Thank you for your kind words.

        As for your suggestion, I had considered it and, for reasons of my own, decided otherwise. Thank you, though.

    • #6
      Well i'm stuck here in your snow drift and halve no place to go.
      My only wish an end for it, the forecast------I don't know.
      I guess that's nature for you.

      Comment


      • #7
        LOL... I'd love to say I was looking at palm trees sway in the breeze, but it's only slightly less miserable here than it is in NY etc. I'd rather have snow than the freezing rain that's been falling for the last 10 - 12 hours. Bleh

        Comment


        • #8
          Hi again DF. Like this piece a lot.

          Comment


          • #9
            Hi John, Thank you. I look forward to reading your new work, and hope winter has treated you better than it has me... freezing rain for a couple of days. Bleh

            Comment


            • #10
              As we say in the SC Lowcountry "At least we aren't shoveling it!"

              Comment


              • D.F.Russell
                D.F.Russell commented
                Editing a comment
                I REALLY hate freezing rain. I'd sooner have snow... although not as much as NYC received LOL

            • #11
              This is what Raleigh looks like when it snows: The burning cars, snow etc. are actually real... people had some fun photoshopping the original :>)

              Original photo was from a year or two back. Enjoy your view

              http://www.wral.com/wral-tv/image_gallery/13392751/

              Comment


              • John Wertz
                John Wertz commented
                Editing a comment
                I think we were driving north shortly after that NC snow storm. Snow in the South in not pretty, I can tell you.

              • D.F.Russell
                D.F.Russell commented
                Editing a comment
                Oh, it's pretty.... just don't plan on driving anywhere for 3 - 4 days :>)

            • #12
              very meditative and peaceful

              Comment


              • #13
                konnortighecrewe,

                Thank you... I've spent a lifetime trying to look past the appearance of things.
                Last edited by D.F.Russell; 03-21-2016, 12:26 PM.

                Comment


                • #14
                  Freyja Wyred, thank you.

                  Comment


                  • #15
                    This is really good.

                    Comment

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