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  • rhymezone-2014-2015-poetry-prize-entries

    My security more sharp then a thorn bush
    Hide stored Kush, politician’s enemies
    My weed conspiracy locked up, thanks George Bush
    These poor hoods brains looking like Orange Mush
    No matter skin colour, coppers shooting others
    That bad morning rush, when they lock us away
    Kill you secretly with whispers, that foreign hush
    It’s mourning for us, to them it’s just another day
    Because of their politician scandal
    Yall also flipping extra ammunition, no exposition handle
    Are integrity is gone, a demolition scandal
    Light us up or starve our wrongs, a malnutrition candle
    So mangled, we spit truth you all think it’s a superstition angle
    You get locked up, two fucks, raped for four bucks
    Two humps, You are the new cell division camel

  • #2
    Hi Parker. First off you should give this a title and put it in the title line instead of using "rhymezone-2014-2015-poetry-prize-entries" as your title. A title will also give you a central theme to work around. Which would be a good thing since I felt that you are all over the place with this poem and it was hard for me to figure out what you are trying to say with this piece other than a general frustration or anger with the world. You don't stick to any rhyming scheme, not that you have to rhyme mind you but if you do then it is better to have a pattern that the reader can flow with. I think you meant "Our integrity is gone" not "Are integrity...". So I think this needs a lot of work starting with figuring out what it is you what to say.

    With all that said you are writing which is more than most people can say and like anything with practice you get better. Keep at it.

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