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Understanding Elliott

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  • Understanding Elliott

    Elliot

    There is nothing that can be against this reunion of souls

    except maybe that I don’t want to know you anymore.

    You've ruined all images and broken all my toys.

    You’re bitter like a lemon and simple like a boy.

    You are my father take the task…

    enjoy.

    Living with transgressions... or learning simple lessons.

    I'm much too bitter to offer you my blessings.

    Age stamps itself on your face.

    I looked into it -- it looked like disgrace.

    I tasted you.

    You tasted fake. I touched you.

    You’re turning to waste..

    And I can’t stop hating you.

    What is a daughter to do.

    What is a woman to do.

    I can’t even hate you like I used to.

    Like I want to, Like I need to.

    I can only regurgitate your old stale letters on yellowing paper

    On our birthday and say… Damn

    Why couldn't you be a better man?

    Say, old man this is how it’s going down.

    You take my face and make me frown,

    You take my heart

    to another town, you take our birthdays and make me a

    clown. Because I cannot hate you.

    They ask me if I hate you.

    Can I date you ? wait….

    do you hate yourself ?
    See, That is how I hated you.


    I pointed the finger inward and imploded

    The first thing I destroyed was trust.

    The second thing to go was August.

    Your first born do you see what you've done to her?

    She thinks to be beaten is to be loved.

    To be abandoned is to be wanted.

    She thinks that you're going to come around if she just

    waits.. Standing still she is more surreal

    Than wishing on pennies &, fathers “keeping it real.”

    They tell me you are dying, trying to find salvation in little

    glass bottles and tiny plastic bags.

    They tell me you love only you

    I don’t believe that’s true.

    You don’t love you any more than I do.

    You ate my mother and killed her soul.

    You had two babies but smoked control.

    Only smoke and ashes to have and hold.

    My mother, my mother,

    didn't let go. My father, my father had to so...

    let me go while I’m on this here roll.


    The cigarette burn you left in my pajamas when I was five

    Is still alive
    blazing and torching everything in it’s wake


    For my sake will you just apologize and realize you are a cause.

    No applause for standing up and taking some blame but

    maybe one day it’ll be ok.


    The memories are my disease rendering me contaminated

    honey.

    Is it my place to look in your face and say

    I can’t even hate you. You paint me red I paint you blue.

    You scar me black I give it back to you.

    A wasted emotion.

    Before you withdrew

    with death at your door and coke on the floor.

    I’m surprised to see your suitcase at the door member the times we had

    don’t you want some more?



    You are everywhere I am .

    tanned men don’t stand a

    chance. And if they do then I lose

    Trying to live past everything wicked you never repented

    Everything sordid you ever presented.

    Every time I resented.

    Every time I hated

    and meant it.

    There is nothing that can be against this reunion of souls.
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