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The Battlefield

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  • The Battlefield

    He stood in the battlefield, gazing upon the dead,
    innocents laid down, bathed in crimson red.
    He stared to the sky with a rifle in his hands,
    neglecting the crushed homes and blood drenched in the sands.
    Filled with shame of what his comrades had done,
    as they murdered those who never touched a gun.

    Without any reason for such a gruesome act,
    heart and tolerance was what they clearly lacked.
    Cannons were firing, bullets were in the air,
    tanks were trawling, but the surviving did not care.
    They remained steadfast, gathered in the field,
    standing united, without any yield.

    Their will and words spoke louder than their actions,
    but the soldiers did not budge from their distractions.
    Bones were broken, blood had been spilled,
    children were taken yet elders were killed.
    Farms were raided, cruelty was at peak,
    virgins were molested, drowned by their own shrieks.

    The soldiers' celebrated their genocide, rather than have grieved,
    yet with a turn of karma, they were about to be deceived.
    The brave former soldier, dropping his rifle,
    took a step forward, ready to stifle.
    Damaged from the tearful sentiment of war,
    the guilt of it all shook him to the core.

    He withdrew a grenade from his pocket,
    and pulled the pin, like a plug from a socket.
    They paid the right cost for what they had done,
    as the savages had nowhere to run.
    The soldiers died in vain, as their victory was not precise,
    but for the hearten man, noble, was his sacrifice....

    © Copyright 2013 Walli Ullah All Rights Reserved. Better not rip it, freeloaders. 😂
    Last edited by itsnotwalle; 01-31-2015, 12:13 PM.

  • #2
    Your poem certainly touches on an emotional topic--war--but I think it would be stronger if it gave more specifics about which battle or incident it is addressing. A general observation is much less potent than a story of a specific event; sweeping generalizations tend to not be true and may turn off readers, whereas many readers may be able to agree that a specific event is horrific and discussing that in a fresh and interesting way will engage them. Good luck in the contest.
    Last edited by jdg; 01-31-2015, 11:29 AM.


    • #3
      I don't agree with jdg's comment. Yours is a powerful message. It doesn't matter WHICH incident. War is war. Well done.


      • itsnotwalle
        itsnotwalle commented
        Editing a comment
        Exactly, Olivia. Though when I first wrote this poem, I had WWII in mind, as in what the Nazis did to the Jews. But I kinda scrapped that to fit any kind of war but it still kind of retains that tone.
        Last edited by itsnotwalle; 01-31-2015, 12:09 PM.