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Understanding the Pain of Incest

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  • Understanding the Pain of Incest

    Don't cry for me now that I'm dead.
    Don't waste your time on words that were said.
    I needed to know your love was strong,
    And not that I was always wrong.
    I needed to know you loved me too,
    Not only if I believed as you do.
    I loved you all, without a doubt,
    Through good and bad, abuse and naught.
    But you broke my heart,
    Totally, tore it apart,
    You wouldn't listen to my cries,
    It was easier, just to say, "good-bye".

    So now that I'm gone, save your tears.
    I've cried ample over the years.
    An innocent child, that once was me,
    I trusted too much, it lead to anxiety.
    "They love me, this must be okay?
    They won't hurt me, in any way?"
    Now I'm a teen, this doesn't feel right,
    How I wish, I could just take flight.
    Hold me God, hold me tight,
    Let me sleep in peace tonight.
    Who can I tell? Who will assist?
    Will they hate me if I resist?

    They're not the only ones I dread
    Will the others say, it's all in my head?
    Sons over daughters, will parents prefer?
    Like brothers trump sisters, or so I've heard.
    Why should I share, no one cares,
    It's just me, why sweat the glares?
    It's okay to take this childs dreams
    She lost them so long ago it seems
    Right from wrong should be so clear
    But obviously nowhere near
    It's foggy at best, to some
    The whole thing just leaves me numb.

    Let me forget, let me love
    God give me strength, from above
    I've only ever wanted to please
    Even when I was forced to my knees
    I want to hold my head up high
    And not be judged, without knowing why
    How can they curse and hate me so
    Don't they realize they stole my soul
    Although a child, I am no longer
    You'd think with age, I'd be much stronger
    But age doesn't change the past
    It just means you managed to last

    But now to my chagrin, it's no longer just me
    Two others have suffered and we all want to flee
    We all carried our cross and can't let it go
    It clings to us all, like a debt we still owe
    If only we knew how to help each other
    To comfort, console and dissolve this anger
    Our lives so wasted in confusion
    Damn it, don't we deserve restitution
    No matter how or who will try
    They'll never hear our childhood cry
    Just acknowledge the past was so awry
    And for God's sake, say you're SORRY.

    Don't cry for me now that I'm dead
    Nothing can change, except in your head
    You need to see clearly we weren't in the wrong
    We needed time for our voice to be strong
    We all carried our burden in silence for years
    Not realizing others had the same fears
    Now that our shoulders are so much lighter
    There has to be others to test us as fighters
    There's always going to be a source of force
    Trying to fill our lives with remorse
    We did what we had to, to get some closure
    And so others won't follow in our torture

    So don't cry for me now that I'm dead
    I'm with the Heavenly Father as a child instead
    If He will have me, I pray
    To be by His side each and every day
    On earth my childhood was taken from me
    But Jesus says, "Let the children come to me"
    Forget the regrets and foolishness,
    Turn to the future and innocence.
    Love them accordingly, not offensively,
    Read between the lines, listening carefully
    Give them the childhood they are due
    Don't make this all about you

    Written by carlach January 27, 2015