Just my mind being itself

So to win the prize i have to write about understanding,
so let me take a look at myself instead of pretending
Have to work to learn how to be myself instead of whats trending,
jump out of this blender before it starts blending

I dont want to write like no one not even myself,
i don't want to just be a book that just gets put in a shelf,
that's bad for my health,
i write these words for me, not for my wealth,
i work over time even on Christmas call me an elf

Every day i think i understand my self a little less,
i think ill be put away if i confess,
my brain is a mess,
the more i think about it it the more that i stress,
it feels like i cant progress,
so i pick up a pen and try to impress,
but my mind takes over and my thoughts they posses.

Was i born this way with some type of defect?,
people trying to get me to listen but their thoughts i neglect,
i guess i cannot connect, the dialect,
its fine just leave me behind unchecked,
am in a whole new world and you cannot detect,
so push the button and eject,
before its too late and because my rhymes infect

I hope some one picks this up and it gets read,
and some how i get these thoughts off my head,
and some one can see all the tears that i bled,
but what i fear is what if instead,
it was just something i said,
gets left behind and forget just like an old thread,
and my rhymes become dead,
that's the type of thing that i dread

I hope ya'll understand the things am saying,
am just waiting and praying,
in my bed laying,
while these lines am killlin and slaying,
these people act like bugs so its this raid that am spraying,
stop talking to me i ain't swaying,
its my original self that am staying.

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