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Shards of Glass

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  • D.F.Russell
    replied
    Give some thought to breaking it into sections, and think of it as a Calder mobile where individual parts support the whole... rather than a Pollock. That allows you to change/move/add sections. Keep a notebook. Rewrite/change things just for a change of perspective.

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  • Joculator Clavarum
    commented on 's reply
    I've actually not read much of Yeats' work, nor that one in particular, but I can see what you mean. I chose to leave it in more or less plain language so as to be more to the point and understandable in this case, I will likely make a second version of it. Thank you.

  • D.F.Russell
    replied
    I'm ambivalent about this... parts of it remind me somewhat of Yeats' "The second coming" (that's what came to mind) and in some areas I personally prefer more allusion. Overall, well done, though.

    This is what made the connection: "shards of glass, unraveling ends.​

    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity.

    W.B. Yeats.

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  • Joculator Clavarum
    replied
    Thanks! Creative imagery is always my favorite part of a poem, it can carry so many different emotions and meanings all at once.

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  • LadyParadox
    replied
    Great poem! I loved the imagery that you presented.

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  • Joculator Clavarum
    started a topic Shards of Glass

    Shards of Glass

    You once said I’m not dark as I thought,
    To call myself that I really ought not.
    But not every wound reveals a scar,
    Bruises soon fade but wounds they still are.
    Pain is someone with whom I’m best friends,
    I know about hiding shards of glass, unraveling ends.
    I understand you and what you feel,
    Listen to me when I say it’s not real.
    Don’t let go of yourself and don’t go away,
    I know that it hurts to have gone astray.
    People will hurt you with things that they say,
    Don’t let them rot you and make you their prey.
    I understand how it feels to be alone,
    How hard it is to face the unknown,
    But don’t lose hope, dear one,
    It can get better with each rising sun.
    ‘Tis true that the world can be brutal and cold,
    Scars collecting on both the young and the old,
    But it’s also a beautiful place of wonder,
    Don’t be afraid of the lightning and thunder.
    People can love just as much as they hate,
    And love carries much greater weight.

    David Johnson
    Newport News, VA
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