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Bittersweet Defeat

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  • Bittersweet Defeat

    Bittersweet Defeat

    So many questions left unanswered from this broken soul
    I have forgotten what love is and forgotten my role
    I am bitter towards the world and tired of this heart break
    They say it’ll all get better but I know that that’s fake

    From the moment our eyes met, there was such a spark
    Now I’m left all alone here, cold in the dark
    You tore me to pieces with a smile on your face
    Sorry to say…I still don’t understand my place

    We had the perfect city picked out to raise our family
    But you flew away without a tear or ever thinking of me
    It breaks my spirit and annihilates my pride
    So many nights I have gone to drink instead of just cried

    See love shouldn’t be about your pride or your ego
    Guess someone should have told me so I could’ve let go
    You walked away from me like we meant nothing at all
    No visits, no text messages, not even a call

    I swear I will never get over you and this pain that you cause
    Can’t believe I ignored all your warning signs and flaws
    To say that I loved you would be an understatement
    Our lives started at parallels and now they’re left so adjacent

    I was a strong, independent woman with so much to give
    Now how am I supposed to continue on and just live?
    Without a purpose and without a goal?
    When I know you’re embedded into my heart and in my soul

    My heart is in pieces still where you left it that sunny day
    I thought that this would get easier and all fade away
    Still can’t go to those places that we used to visit
    Just want to lie down and die, I think I’ll just quit.

    I miss the smell of your cologne and the glance of that smile
    In reality, I believed one day we’d walk down that aisle
    Like a knight in shining armor, you saved me from me
    When you should’ve saved me from what I just couldn’t see

    You were kind and sweet, and had everyone tricked
    Your hate and deception was something I’d never predict
    Like at the snap of your fingers you changed who you were
    That mask came off and you left with a blur

    Now trapped with all this snow and left in the cold
    I still can’t understand how you disappeared so bold
    That warm blue beach house was supposed to be ours
    We had plans to lie in the sand and stare at the stars

    Now I stare by myself and wonder what if
    How many people would’ve cared had I’d leaped off that cliff
    Occasionally I still dream of you and it scares me to say
    It’s never black and white, there’s always an area of gray

    I am left with this feeling of uncertainty and doubt
    Can’t find anymore tears to cry, just like a drought
    Reflecting on the time you begged me not to quit
    This is the hardest defeat I’ll ever have to admit

    Get knocked down seven times and stand up eight they say
    Walk on like I’m fine, it’s the only emotion I care to display
    Take a Band-Aid and cover this hole left in my chest
    You weren’t permanent in my heart, just merely a guest

    Now I’ll continue to fake a smile as I begin everyday
    Pretend is what I know best; I’ll be on my way
    Although you broke my heart and left it shattered like glass
    You weren’t the first and I’m certain you’re not the last

    My heart gets broken almost every single hour
    You’re nowhere close yet you still have so much power
    But I will not let this defeat define my fate
    Life has its moments; it can be so beautiful and great

    Walk on like you always have and never turn back
    So I can find my place in this world and one day unpack
    A good confidant once told me “Love is patient. Love is kind.”
    But if love comes my way, I’ll rebelliously decline

    I’m afraid to admit I will never make myself so vulnerable again
    If I always lose in this game, how would I ever get the win?
    You see life without love is a game I continue to play
    But exactly like Sinatra, I’m doing it my way

    I will always carry your heart with me wherever I explore
    You’ll always be the love of this life, the one I adore
    But time to carry on and leave it where it lies
    Now you can’t see my brokenness unless you look in my eyes

    Life is a race, although I couldn’t win first prize
    I learned a lesson about love and all of its lies
    The ones that love you the deepest will hurt you the most
    Didn’t place first prize but I was so damn close