Bittersweet Defeat

So many questions left unanswered from this broken soul
I have forgotten what love is and forgotten my role
I am bitter towards the world and tired of this heart break
They say it’ll all get better but I know that that’s fake

From the moment our eyes met, there was such a spark
Now I’m left all alone here, cold in the dark
You tore me to pieces with a smile on your face
Sorry to say…I still don’t understand my place

We had the perfect city picked out to raise our family
But you flew away without a tear or ever thinking of me
It breaks my spirit and annihilates my pride
So many nights I have gone to drink instead of just cried

See love shouldn’t be about your pride or your ego
Guess someone should have told me so I could’ve let go
You walked away from me like we meant nothing at all
No visits, no text messages, not even a call

I swear I will never get over you and this pain that you cause
Can’t believe I ignored all your warning signs and flaws
To say that I loved you would be an understatement
Our lives started at parallels and now they’re left so adjacent

I was a strong, independent woman with so much to give
Now how am I supposed to continue on and just live?
Without a purpose and without a goal?
When I know you’re embedded into my heart and in my soul

My heart is in pieces still where you left it that sunny day
I thought that this would get easier and all fade away
Still can’t go to those places that we used to visit
Just want to lie down and die, I think I’ll just quit.

I miss the smell of your cologne and the glance of that smile
In reality, I believed one day we’d walk down that aisle
Like a knight in shining armor, you saved me from me
When you should’ve saved me from what I just couldn’t see

You were kind and sweet, and had everyone tricked
Your hate and deception was something I’d never predict
Like at the snap of your fingers you changed who you were
That mask came off and you left with a blur

Now trapped with all this snow and left in the cold
I still can’t understand how you disappeared so bold
That warm blue beach house was supposed to be ours
We had plans to lie in the sand and stare at the stars

Now I stare by myself and wonder what if
How many people would’ve cared had I’d leaped off that cliff
Occasionally I still dream of you and it scares me to say
It’s never black and white, there’s always an area of gray

I am left with this feeling of uncertainty and doubt
Can’t find anymore tears to cry, just like a drought
Reflecting on the time you begged me not to quit
This is the hardest defeat I’ll ever have to admit

Get knocked down seven times and stand up eight they say
Walk on like I’m fine, it’s the only emotion I care to display
Take a Band-Aid and cover this hole left in my chest
You weren’t permanent in my heart, just merely a guest

Now I’ll continue to fake a smile as I begin everyday
Pretend is what I know best; I’ll be on my way
Although you broke my heart and left it shattered like glass
You weren’t the first and I’m certain you’re not the last

My heart gets broken almost every single hour
You’re nowhere close yet you still have so much power
But I will not let this defeat define my fate
Life has its moments; it can be so beautiful and great

Walk on like you always have and never turn back
So I can find my place in this world and one day unpack
A good confidant once told me “Love is patient. Love is kind.”
But if love comes my way, I’ll rebelliously decline

I’m afraid to admit I will never make myself so vulnerable again
If I always lose in this game, how would I ever get the win?
You see life without love is a game I continue to play
But exactly like Sinatra, I’m doing it my way

I will always carry your heart with me wherever I explore
You’ll always be the love of this life, the one I adore
But time to carry on and leave it where it lies
Now you can’t see my brokenness unless you look in my eyes

Life is a race, although I couldn’t win first prize
I learned a lesson about love and all of its lies
The ones that love you the deepest will hurt you the most
Didn’t place first prize but I was so damn close