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The Son I Never Had and Never Will

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  • The Son I Never Had and Never Will

    Light a lantern in the dark,
    Reveal the stoic stone so stark.
    With cold eyes and firm jaw,
    I read his skin, every etched law.

    I could see what he didn’t think I could see,
    The bundled bags under his eyes from sleepless nights.
    I could see the notches in his skin from the house key,
    Although he didn’t think I saw the razor blade fights.

    I saw each and every missing pill in the cabinet,
    All the half-conscious accidents.
    All the blooded words he etched into his notepad,
    Every single tear streaked face he had.

    He doesn’t think I understand,
    The sadness, the despair…the pain.
    But he hasn’t seen my hand,
    How many times I cried to the rain.

    He doesn’t know the bruises I had on my back,
    The cigarette burns on my arms.
    Oh my son, don’t walk the same track,
    And be fooled by the tricks and charms.

    I too, felt the pain,
    I too, cried out to the rain.
    I too, sat in the bathroom with pills in hand,
    Wishing for a make-believe father to understand.

    I can’t change my past,
    But hopefully I change your fate.
    My sight will not last,
    For me it is too late.

    I write you this letter my son,
    The son I never had and never will.
    I decided to be done,
    And now I will have a tombstone so still.

    I gave up this life today,
    Not realizing the other one I gave away.
    So my son, know I do understand,
    I just wish my father understood before my hand.





    Pottsville: Hometown

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