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  • Trans

    I.

    Transform. Transcend. Transgender. Layers shed.
    I cannot lose a daughter, yet I must
    embrace a son who stands now in her stead.
    While faith in God survives and seeks my trust,
    uncertainty still shakes me to the core
    of everything I thought I understood.
    I’ll take no fact for granted anymore,
    and pray for opened eyes to witness good.

    It’s fear that misinterprets God’s design
    and plunges me in darkness where I stand.
    Yet, all creation comes of God, divine;
    the sculpture brought to life by His own hand.
    With narrow understanding of these things
    I live and breathe as I have always done.
    A cloak, admittedly, upon me clings;
    unquestioned love for daughter and for son.

    You’re striving to express an inner light.
    There’s nothing left but explanations... right?

    II.

    There’s nothing left but explanations. Right
    or wrong, it’s said, and cannot be reversed
    despite how unexpected was the bite.
    I did not realize when we conversed
    Pandora’s Box was cracked and opened wide.
    Strange things, both seen and not, were flown about
    our heads and landed where the ocean’s tide
    would have them go. No time to feel devout

    (as if a church or god could help us sort
    the mismatched messages we both were sent.)
    It’s hard to understand, and I fall short
    of comprehending God’s divine intent.
    We tread upon such unfamiliar ground
    where neither map nor compass point the way.
    For all of life is fluidly unbound,
    yet man’s unbending thought precedes decay.

    Unyielding turmoil; inner paths collide.
    A pea coat, robin’s-egg, was set aside.

    III.

    A pea coat, robin’s-egg, was set aside
    despite expressed delight when it arrived;
    a birthday gift desired, but now denied
    since female fashions made you feel contrived.
    Repugnance to your female form was found
    arising from a hidden place inside.
    Unwittingly, our lives were run aground.
    Amidst the tears, our dreams had all but died.

    And soon began the binding of your breasts,
    rejecting all external parts of “self”,
    while sometimes violent cuts on arms suggests
    unspoken words upon a distant shelf.
    Remains from times your memory now shuns,
    repressing phantom hauntings through your dreams,
    where shadowed fear, refusing sleep, now runs
    to reach a tipping point between extremes.

    I questioned if, through blindness, I’d miscast.
    The experts taking notes review the past.

    IV.

    The experts taking notes review the past
    in search of signs a mother might have missed.
    But nothing’s there, the memories hold fast:
    a little girl tucked in each night, and kissed.
    Existing circumstances did decree
    an intervening court decides what’s best.
    The interest of a child, despite her plea,
    was granted to a father who’d molest.

    There’s nowhere safe when father fails a daughter
    allowing harm to come through his neglect;
    a girl, a simple lamb led to the slaughter,
    then left alone with older boys, unchecked.
    And when a father lashes out in rage,
    creating terror hard to overcome
    by using threats unable to assuage,
    a child’s disclosure is the rule of thumb.

    Behind closed doors a parent can reveal
    such nightmares, made of flesh and blood, are real.

    V.

    Such nightmares, made of flesh and blood, are real.
    Perhaps, some day they’ll leave you, but for now
    they cause anxiety you can’t conceal.
    Despite your strength and fortitude, allow
    yourself the time that’s needed to regain
    a sense of safety and stability.
    I watch you flog yourself with your disdain.
    Instead, release all culpability

    for actions which were always far beyond
    the power of a child to call a stop.
    I’ll look with you to find a new day dawned
    and gladly I’d exchange your pain in swap.
    The turmoil felt at times must overwhelm;
    beneath your feet, the sense of shifting sands,
    while crashing waves still break against the helm,
    propelling you toward uncharted lands.

    Small triggers raise a maelstrom sense of dread;
    too crowded are the thoughts that fill your head.

    VI.

    Too crowded are the thoughts that fill your head,
    where past experience was evil sown.
    Convinced your name and gender has misled,
    you cast them off, as stones in lakes are thrown.
    You seem quite sure this new direction calls,
    with only my confusion in the way.
    Your mind is made, yet each decision stalls;
    determined, you resent my feet of clay.

    The therapy and medications lift
    and reestablish function in your life.
    The progress in this time has been a gift
    allowing you to cope with school and strife.
    The distant days recede into the dark
    with innocence of childhood ever lost.
    Upon a path of healing, you embark.
    What, ultimately, is replacement cost?

    Be careful not to slip and be beguiled,
    whatever path your life must take, my child.

    VII.

    Whatever path your life must take, my child;
    through deconstruction, “self” may realign.
    Beside you, I shall walk this tangled wild,
    for you are holy and of God’s design.
    I find no fault in you, though others may
    in keeping with an unforgiving view
    arising from obtuseness. They may pray
    on bended knee, contrite of sins they knew

    of naught. Response to “sin” with fear
    serves only empty platitudes, not truth.
    No human will controls our spinning sphere,
    nor human voices shouting sings of sooth.
    But you and I transcend the world’s demands.
    Existing love will find a deeper bond
    and move toward a place that understands,
    while truth held deeply raises us beyond.

    We’ll dwell in truth no longer left unsaid.
    Transform. Transcend. Transgender. Layers shed.

  • #2
    Beautiful! The love you have for your child is amazing! Your words are love and power that speak of truth and understanding. Thank you for sharing!
    Last edited by acdominguezcreates; 01-20-2015, 05:56 PM.

    Comment


    • pipersfancy
      pipersfancy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you very much for your kind comment.

  • #3
    Im glad u were one of the winners for the contest...i really enjoyed the way u wrote and expressed such deep emotions...all i have to say is simply beautiful!!

    Comment


    • #4
      I appreciate your kind comment very much - thank you!

      Comment


      • #5
        Thoughts conveyed most eloquently. Though I pity you for having the experience to write it..

        Comment


        • pipersfancy
          pipersfancy commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you for your feedback to this work - no need for pity! My child and I are very close, and our relationship is solid. While there will always be those in the world who would judge others, I believe society is slowly becoming more accepting through greater knowledge and understanding.

      • #6
        This takes my breath away. The experience you both are going through is one we all can learn from. No longer can we judge another's soul journey. Congratulations!

        Comment


        • pipersfancy
          pipersfancy commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you! Though some will always feel a need to stand in judgement of others, I think society in general is becoming more accepting... at least, I hope it is!

      • #7
        Congratulations on winning one of the top spots! What a moving tribute to the loving understanding of a mother and her child.

        Comment


        • pipersfancy
          pipersfancy commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you so much for your kind sentiments... of course, I'd expect nothing less from an all around 'Nice Guy'! Sincere appreciation, and warmest regards, PF

      • #8
        What beautiful words, written from deep in your soul and heart, you deserved your #1 prize, when words come from so deep inside, not one word could be WRONG! CONGRATULATIONS, The kurlman

        Comment


        • pipersfancy
          pipersfancy commented
          Editing a comment
          How very kind of you to say - I appreciate your comments very much!
          PF

      • #9
        Your poem deserved them, KEEP writing!

        Comment


        • #10
          The content of your message seems to be the resonance point for most--and it is lovely--but the flow and meter and unforced structure of your rhyme is exquisite, reminding me of "the bards sublime," whose company you keep rather well. I love that the reader isn't forced to dig for the meaning, but neither is the poem sophomoric or trite--a balance found by your contemporaries in quantum time: Longfellow and Frost.

          Comment


          • pipersfancy
            pipersfancy commented
            Editing a comment
            I'm so grateful for your comment, Bruce— Thank you. I worked the better part of a year on the rhyme and meter of this piece because I knew it had to be solid in order for the structure to virtually disappear into the story. I am humbled by your comparison to Longfellow and Frost. I can only aspire toward their brilliance.

        • #11
          Moving and masterfully written this documentation of the journey thus far.. I agree with Bruce, it is beautifully flowing and unhampered by excessiveness in any form.

          Comment


          • pipersfancy
            pipersfancy commented
            Editing a comment
            It brings me joy to realize this poem is still being read, a year after posting it— and appreciated as a technically good work, that also tells a story. I tend to be a bit of a stickler on that... for me, part of the process of writing a formal poem is really focusing on the rhyme and meter, such that they become the foundation which disappears into the background of the story. (And, I am tickled pink when someone notes that to be the case!) Thank you so very much, LiMarie, for your kind words!

        • #12
          Pipersfancy. first of all, I think I was the 1,000 reader. Congratulations on hitting that milestone and with winning an award. this certainly is a great opus in structure and I like the flow from one section to the next. The subject matter is very difficult and personal but you handled it well. I'm sure that readers will learn by your experience and will be moved as I was.

          Comment


          • pipersfancy
            pipersfancy commented
            Editing a comment
            I'm actually a bit surprised by all the views, although glad that the work is being read. Thank you for your time in reading and commenting, cc springer. This is a lengthy piece, and I think may appear a bit of a daunting read to some. Much appreciation,
            pf

        • #13
          I think Bruce really nailed it. This is a beautifully crafted piece of art. Every word carefully constructed to marry with those that come before it and those that come after it. The story is engaging and full of emotion of mother, daughter and son. Triumphant. Great work, pipersfancy!

          Comment


          • #14
            Whar an amazing piece of writing! Proving absolute unconditional love from parent to child - as it should be...Thank you for sharing.

            Comment


            • #15
              Many thanks, Marianne Burgess and MHenry, for your kind and encouraging remarks. Although straight from my heart, this piece was also a struggle to write, and required a lot of time and focus. I am so pleased that it has gained a bit of attention and is still being read, even now—a full year following last year's contest. My sincere appreciation,
              pf

              Comment

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