if you were sick -- stranded
in the walls of a sterile hospital
walls lined with beds
and artificial meds --
if you could live without something
that was inside your head,
and the flames weren't so bad.
if you weren't so sick of life, just life,
and you could sing, maybe,
just to feel something through the window,--
and laugh! where sunlight dawns,
shining all into all and reflecting us,--
if this was not a sickbed but your playground,
lined with pillows if you fall,
and hands that grace your little soul
gripping with just the strength, to feel
once more, a story you could tell
of all the different people, were any good?
the different states we all had found.
crises and seconds slowly passing.
sleepwalking and almost dropping.
stigma attached to freedom,
zombie that keeps talking, little patience.
or so patient you're sedated.
sometimes you miss the sunlight from outside
living there for a short time.
sometimes you're so afraid to go back
and afraid to be in the same place.
there's sometimes when you get the worst,
and find yourself left without a word,
dismissed and relegated; what could we do?--
you looked up into our faces,
we nearly died and we never once forgot
the pain it takes to truly love,--
and how do you prove that when you're so far?
the whiteness made me sick of being cold,
vulnerable, it was my fault I was so down.
i thought it would be a change of a scene,
when I got there I realized what I'd lost
not being able to leave.
which reminds me of maturity,
making decisions once and for all --
almost a different language for me.
which reminds me, this love isn't ordinary.
the very words were all recorded and
I kept watch and noted all the peculiar things
which make for good living, even in "misery."
the blackness made me sick of being lost,
and whatever was wrong was too much.
now it's best to get poetry-lost, and suffice.
now it's enough to write the experiences
shifting into my healing heart and hands.
best to remember, the people were all there
yet barely any of it made any sense. [ ... ]
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