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Survivors Guilt

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  • Survivors Guilt

    Survivors Guilt

    lost upon the midnight sky
    searching for something new
    softly lying in a ball softy i cry
    wishing my memories i could undo

    flashes come back of gun fire and smoke
    wishing i'd died instead of them worse guilty i want to die
    I continue to lie in bed wishing i hand't awoke
    wishing i wasn't living a lie

    then still up at 4 in the morning i get ready
    i shower, shave, and make up my food
    numb once again my morning goes steady
    get my stuff together say hi don't be rude

    still when i'm alone
    i hear the heavy poor
    the loud knocks on the door
    the shots come back once more
    and it rocks me to my core

    I can't move cant think i freeze
    my mind screams but my face smiles
    in my mind i'm screaming take me please
    but my body is just sorting files

    my life is on autopilot and i'm in hell
    my shift is over i'm home and ... not..well
    She holds me tight and the pain fades away
    I've missed you my dear I wish you could stay