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When we where young

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  • When we where young

    when I was young and life was fun
    hours outside playing out in the sun
    If could go back to those golden days
    what would I do where would I gaze

    I look for meaning in a life that has none
    If i could go back to the happy days sun
    could I go back to happiness joy am I doomed
    to wonder the streets by darkness consumed

    when we where young and life was fun
    hours outside playing out in the perfect sun
    If we could go back to those golden days
    what would we do where would we gaze

    I'd probably start with I've missed you like hell
    I'd give you a hug ask if you've been doing well
    We'd could talk for hours on end but then again
    to even imagine this and get my hopes up insane




  • #2
    Is this to repetitive.. It kind of feels to repetitive

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    • #3
      It is...and it isn't, since you move from first person to inclusive on the repeated refrain. It's clear you are journeying alone but would like more in the 3rd stanza (though an individualized recollection it is about a couple) and have a vision of what they might be? Does that make sense?

      Although it leaves the resolution hanging a bit...nothing ventured, nothing gained? (Nothing wrong with that BTW...since I got many, many comments early on about tying things up neatly with a bow on nearly every piece I wrote. It's just that I recognize a conclusion with a sense of "tension".

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