As i walk these halls

I think of past memories

I see the wood stained with ancient blood i know is mine

I see lockers painted over with all the names they would call us

I see taps, still dripping with tears

I see 12 year old me, head down cause if he looks up

If he looks up he’ll face the tragedy and trauma

So he looks down, staring at the cracked tile

Wondering if he will stay for a while

In the pain

Because it drains

He can’t complain

He needs to contain

Even if he gets sent to the hospital for a migraine

He can’t stand another laugh

To this day

I want to reach out to the countless kids who were bullied

Kids like me

Because i know their pain

I know what it's like to be scrutinized and criticized for everything bad about you

To be left wondering why you deserved this

Trust me, you don’t

I know you have met my good ol friend trauma

His art form is the red scars on body

You are his entertainment

So was I

And i was looking for someone to reach out and save me

The only hand i felt was his

The bloodied hand of my good friend

Luring me into another wave of oblivion

He isn’t always bad

He teaches you not to get sad

Not to get mad

To fight back

He won’t give you any slack

Why should I?

If i were to not try

My hope would end nigh

So here i am

And i hope someone gives a damn

Because im trying to survive

Striving to thrive

And my friend

He hurts me

Just so i can feel alive

My friend is the only one who will walk with me

Talk with me

My emotion are sealed under his lock and key

I can’t plea

He will just leave me

And i don’t want to be alone again

I've been lost

And i've been found

Countless times before

But it's always that all familiar grin

Of my good ol friend trauma

He haunts all my memories

There is no remedy

The depression isn’t some accessory

He does it so cleverly

The way he puts me in jeopardy

He weighs me down heavily

Trying to get me to collapse

But i won’t relapse

My friend

He makes my life a balancing act

He says i'm crazy

He says i don’t belong

But i know he’s wrong

He has to be wrong

I believe i’m strong

I can’t rise with all these weights bringing me down

The weights made up of comments about my weight

So now i wear dark flowers on my thorny crown

Its weakening my emotional flood gate

There is no more happiness around

I just have to wait

I have to to keep myself above water, i can’t drown

I’ve been struggling from age 6 to date

My whole life boiled down is a frown

Its too much i can’t take it

Every day’s a meltdown

It's always make or break And i always break

My eyes are heavy

Face isn’t merry

Voice isn’t steady

Yet i still speak

With more pain than can be heard

With every word, i hurt

At night, when others slept

We walk the tightrope

Wet with the tears we’ve wept

And i look across to see others like me

Some can’t hold on any longer

Can’t be any stronger

They fall

Just to get right back up again

Because every syllable you speak

Stabs through my spirit

And hardening my heart

Same with everyone like me

Struggling with tragedy

All with the same friend

My friend