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My Friend

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  • My Friend

    As i walk these halls

    I think of past memories

    I see the wood stained with ancient blood i know is mine

    I see lockers painted over with all the names they would call us

    I see taps, still dripping with tears

    I see 12 year old me, head down cause if he looks up

    If he looks up he’ll face the tragedy and trauma

    So he looks down, staring at the cracked tile

    Wondering if he will stay for a while

    In the pain

    Because it drains

    He can’t complain

    He needs to contain

    Even if he gets sent to the hospital for a migraine

    He can’t stand another laugh

    To this day

    I want to reach out to the countless kids who were bullied

    Kids like me

    Because i know their pain

    I know what it's like to be scrutinized and criticized for everything bad about you

    To be left wondering why you deserved this

    Trust me, you don’t

    I know you have met my good ol friend trauma

    His art form is the red scars on body

    You are his entertainment

    So was I

    And i was looking for someone to reach out and save me

    The only hand i felt was his

    The bloodied hand of my good friend

    Luring me into another wave of oblivion

    He isn’t always bad

    He teaches you not to get sad

    Not to get mad

    To fight back

    He won’t give you any slack

    Why should I?

    If i were to not try

    My hope would end nigh

    So here i am

    And i hope someone gives a damn

    Because im trying to survive

    Striving to thrive

    And my friend

    He hurts me

    Just so i can feel alive

    My friend is the only one who will walk with me

    Talk with me

    My emotion are sealed under his lock and key

    I can’t plea

    He will just leave me

    And i don’t want to be alone again

    I've been lost

    And i've been found

    Countless times before

    But it's always that all familiar grin

    Of my good ol friend trauma

    He haunts all my memories

    There is no remedy

    The depression isn’t some accessory

    He does it so cleverly

    The way he puts me in jeopardy

    He weighs me down heavily

    Trying to get me to collapse

    But i won’t relapse

    My friend

    He makes my life a balancing act

    He says i'm crazy

    He says i don’t belong

    But i know he’s wrong

    He has to be wrong

    I believe i’m strong

    I can’t rise with all these weights bringing me down

    The weights made up of comments about my weight

    So now i wear dark flowers on my thorny crown

    Its weakening my emotional flood gate

    There is no more happiness around

    I just have to wait

    I have to to keep myself above water, i can’t drown

    I’ve been struggling from age 6 to date

    My whole life boiled down is a frown

    Its too much i can’t take it

    Every day’s a meltdown

    It's always make or break And i always break

    My eyes are heavy

    Face isn’t merry

    Voice isn’t steady

    Yet i still speak

    With more pain than can be heard

    With every word, i hurt

    At night, when others slept

    We walk the tightrope

    Wet with the tears we’ve wept

    And i look across to see others like me

    Some can’t hold on any longer

    Can’t be any stronger

    They fall

    Just to get right back up again

    Because every syllable you speak

    Stabs through my spirit

    And hardening my heart

    Same with everyone like me

    Struggling with tragedy

    All with the same friend

    My friend