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Battling Trees

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  • Battling Trees

    The weight of its branches slammed the cedar
    The angry Oak tried to choke its neighbor
    causing a reaction, crackle, snap, crash

    The Cedar twisted around the oaks limbs
    Bringing them down, tangling with its own
    Silhouetted against the afternoon

    Their bare arms collapsed into each other
    They thrashed all day, into the night hours
    While whispers rose from misty blades of grass

    Who will prevail in this foolish battle?
    The bright moon had to turn its face away
    Debris dropped heavily into the mud
    The owls pleaded for the great minds to stop

    In the great forest are battling trees
    Who can know the things they think?

    The great forest holds chaotic matters
    Humming, the Earth asks for more


    So I highlighted a line that I like, but I feel is in the way of my pattern. What do you guys advise?
    Last edited by Catz; 02-22-2021, 04:38 PM.

  • #2
    Nice capture of the action - I'm a visual receiver so respond to this...even without your highlighted line, maybe especially without the highlight.

    The line is great - but since you asked, IMO the red type and underlining is too leading. Let the strength of your visual stand on its own.


    • #3
      I think that line is fine! It doesn't stand out as an interruption to me. Overall I like this one!


      • #4
        And this is one thing I like about the zone. You may get different direction on responses, but still a sense that people interact with what you write, which I think is cool.


        • #5
          Thank you for the feedback, I think I'll keep it. I was going to just delete the whole line, but I love using the word debris


          • #6
            debris would go well with freeze

            They sound really close and it'd make sense

            or something like

            look upon the once beautiful seas
            now clouded and full of plastic debris