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  • Past Present Future

    Past:

    The past is doomed to repeat
    wondering how to retreat
    becouse now life is just a ring
    to go around unable to do anything
    the past memories to escape
    lets say it left quite a scrape

    The past has a habbit of comeing back
    always be on guard ready for the attack
    start to wonder why i'm always so insain
    wonder why I mussle throught the pain

    Present:

    Theres always something missing
    try to pet a cat and it starts hissing
    try to make a friend or find a place to vent
    but there hurt more I can tank the dent
    always have a wound always dripping blood
    always act ok like a firework but always a dud

    The present is pain just like my life
    who cares if there's an end to the strife
    choose to play the idiot the fool
    becouse in the end i'm no jewel

    Future:

    Not sure if i'll have one no sure i'll last
    but it better not be like the past
    it better have time to heal my wound
    otherwise I know i'll be doomed
    there better be a life worth fighting
    there the time to proove the hills worth climbing


    The past should break its habbit of comeing back
    found no need ot be on guard ready for no attack
    stoped wondering why I was always so insain
    learnd how to stop mussleing throught the pain

    By: DepressedPoet
    Last edited by DepressingPoem; 02-15-2021, 02:47 PM.

  • #2
    You have in the past asked for feedback and this is another poem that I very much like the premise. Past is doomed to repeat is a great opening lline and keeping the same format for the present and future gives a repeated structure without overdoing the repetition.

    There is opportunity here though more things to consider including the tense.

    The past was doomed to repeat
    wondered how to retreat
    becouse now life just a ring
    Went around unable to do anything
    Past memories to escape
    lets say it left quite a scrape

    The past has a habbit of coming back
    I' m always on guard, ready for the attack
    Started wondering why I'm always so insane
    Wondered why I mussled through the pain

    Having this referring back more in past tense makes it more certain as we are sayin it happened rather than is happening. It has also allowed the stripping of a few surplus words.
    We could change things slightly in your middle section to have it more consistently refering to the present and the final one more to the future.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hmm I didn't think to much about that.

      Comment

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