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The 12 Shapes of Johnson

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  • The 12 Shapes of Johnson

    Long ago, when on the E.U.,
    None but a few harboured a view,
    I told tall tales though my fans knew
    I was a soft remainer.

    And when Dave, as an antidote
    To his wrongs, called a People's Vote,
    I hinted with both quip and quote
    I was a shy remainer.

    Till that night as the vote drew near
    I was forced to make my choice clear.
    I scorned conscience for my career
    And became a beleaver.

    But when we won, I had no cause
    To smile as I took the applause.
    All who looked could see that I was
    A reluctant beleaver.

    From a close loss, I'd hoped to gain
    A spur for my long aim to reign.
    Blame-free I had hoped to remain
    The first among beleavers.

    But too hot had we stoked the flame
    And now the fire threatened my aim
    To reign so I swiftly became
    The lesser-seen beleaver.

    When May grabbed the ball from the ruck,
    And by her red lines came unstuck,
    I chose once more to try my luck
    Now as a hard brexiteer.

    When May was pushed, I seized my chance
    To gain all by taking a stance
    As leader of the macabre dance
    Of do-or-die no-dealers.

    'I will ditch the dreaded backstop!'
    I yelled, ruffling my dyed blonde mop.
    'I will lead you over the top
    And purge all non-no-dealers!'

    I got my crown but now I'm stuck
    Much worse than May. I'm a lame duck.
    I'll bellow and I'll pass the buck
    And blame the unbeleavers.

    Whenever our cause lacks luster,
    I'll feign fury, bark with bluster
    And rouse the ranks I can muster
    With cries of 'No surrender!'

    And though from 'Remain' onto 'Leave'
    To 'No Deal' I switched to achieve
    My aim, I won't have you believe
    I'm a reckless shapeshifter.

    So I pray your memory's a sieve
    And your sight's too short to perceive
    The tangled web I spin and weave
    To hook fly-by skim readers.

    (For clarity, when EU membership was nothing more than a footnote in the UK's history, Johnson was a soft remainer (i.e. pragmatic about staying in the EU although he gained notoriety for slandering the institution). However, when the referendum was called, in order to gain the support of the Brexiteers in his party, he morphing into one (or be-Leaver) in the hope of a narrow loss (but retaining the Brexiteer support for a future bid to be PM) Following the unexpected win for the Brexiteers, he sheepishly slunk away into the background and avoided any responsibility for the mess until Theresa May was pushed. He then siezed his chance to be PM by becoming a No-dealer i.e. one who supports the more extreme position of leaving the EU without a deal. This went down well with the Tory members who duly elected him their leader and by default the Prime Minister. Now he has to deliver on the promises on no deal to his supporters and is in quite a bind because deep down he knows it is harmful. But does he care? Does he heck!)
    Last edited by Raoul D'Harmental; 10-01-2019, 01:01 PM.

  • #2
    Masterful commentary on tumultuous times.


    • #3
      Power seeks out the Scruple free.
      Is he now bound with leaden chains
      to sink unseen while hope remains
      calendrical we wait to see.
      Last edited by Johntee; 10-05-2019, 07:12 AM.