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Dragonflies Don't Dream -- Opinions and Feedback

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  • Dragonflies Don't Dream -- Opinions and Feedback

    It awakens near a makeshift stream
    It dreamt of nothing
    For dragonflies don't dream
    It tests its wings for takeoff
    The king of insects in highest esteem
    Takes flight across the sky

    It soars around the neighborhood
    Flower to flower, person to person
    The dragonfly lands as it always would
    Basking in the shining sun
    It rose and as it stood
    It noticed something strange

    The sky turns the color of the asphalt below
    The brilliant sun begins to fade
    But the moon does not glow
    It desperately looks for shelter
    Where? It does not know
    But it was too late

    It comes to terms with its greatest fears
    The silence before the storm
    The clouds roar, and out come their tears
    The dragonfly weaves between the rain
    Swiftly dodging all of the watery spears
    It slows down to catch its breath

    SPLASH
    It's hit, its wing paralyzed
    It manages to stay flying
    SPLASH
    The other wing is downed
    It plummets to the ground
    SPLASH
    It lands in the ever-growing pool below
    It's dead in the water
    Pummeled under the barrage of raindrops from above
    The dragonfly struggles to no avail
    It cries out in despair
    But no help will come
    The water rises higher and higher
    It tries one last time to escape
    It fails and gives in
    It sinks into the depths and starts to drown
    As it dies, it thinks of nothing
    For dragonflies don't dare to dream

  • #2
    Interesting write, frostbite. I enjoyed the story you tell and how you structured the poem.

    I am no expert, but because you are asking for feedback I offer this: read your poem aloud. Some of the lines read a little clunky (technical term ) to me and could flow better. And after the ‘SPLASH’ I understand it to mean you want to go from the beauty of its life and flight to the dreariness of its death, but it seems too abrupt and drastic of a change in styles to me. Again, read it aloud and see how you hear it.

    P. S. Oh, and why don’t dragonflies ‘dare’ to dream? A repetition of the line ‘For dragonflies don’t dream’ without the ‘dare’ ties it together better - again, to my ear.

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