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Pantyhose

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  • Pantyhose






    ON RECEIVING A PAIR OF PANTYHOSE
    AS A XMAS GIFT FROM A FRIEND
    WITH A WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR

    I'm from the Old School, and I may be a fool
    For caring what others may say,
    But I hold there's a few things a man shouldn't do
    (At least, not by light of day).

    A man shouldn't cry, a man shouldn't lie,
    He shouldn't seductions disclose.
    And a true devil's spawn is the man who would don
    A pair of sheer pantyhose.

    Having said that, I must tell someone I can trust
    Of a flaw that could cause me rejection;
    A chink in the armor of this aging charmer
    That taints my claim to perfection.

    I've hankered, you see, since age fifty-three
    To mimic Joe Namath and pose,
    With head held high and unflinching eye,
    In a pair of sheer pantyhose.

    Just between you and me: In complete privacy
    I once slipped into a pair.
    The effect was striking and much to my liking.
    They gave me a dashing air.

    But it just wouldn't do to appear in full view
    Of those who might misunderstand
    My motive in wearing a garment so daring.
    They'd think me from Lala Land.

    But I’m thinking that there is a way I can wear
    Your sweet gift without embarrassment;
    Though others may jeer, I won't have to hear
    Their mindless attempts at harassment.

    And you, dear friend Jill, can assist, if you will,
    By making my private wish known.
    (This secret I've bared is one that I've shared
    With you, and you alone.)

    Please tell them I said, when my last breath has fled
    And the funeral man asks about clothes,
    That my earnest request was that I be dressed
    In a pair of sheer pantyhose.

    Jill,
    I need help getting them over my hips. Would this evening at my place be convenient​?
    Candlelight and wine await.
    J.

















  • #2
    Whether meant as confession or produced for "sheer" entertainment - I feel your glee come through in your wordplay and rhyming choices. Welcome to the zone JCrawf !

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