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Light on the Stones

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  • Light on the Stones

    Two hard stones, surrounded by soft bubbly foam, with insects and elephants moving pleasurably in the mist. The comfortable confident stone substance does not move, but the foam forms to the grooves, bubbling with complete ease and embrace. Mist caresses the stones in the night. The sounds of the insects mix with the sounds of the elephants, forming one hypnotic symphony vibrating the stones so subtly, as they feel the pull of the planet. Something new is coming down, a presence, a light. The stones then morphed and combined, crystallizing into pure gold.

  • #2
    O I like this--electric-tinged, emotive, descriptive. Thanks for sharing this delightful piece. I like your construction of sentences; the longer, more drawn out descriptions flow so sweetly.

    One thing I felt, at the end, it's a bit 'telling' isn't it... I suppose what I mean is, the description doesn't 'ring' the same vibration as the rest of the piece to me. But I'm not sure if I'm being nitpicky I find that in such an instance, for myself, If I was writing, I would look at the "tenses" of it, and remove verbs, to arrive at a description with so much movement... So that you demonstrate the movement, and the transformation, right?
    Yeah, very nitpicky, I just say this because I really thought you brought interesting elements together, and I thought I might share my impressions

    Welcome! And hope to see more from ya.


    • #3
      An interesting piece with some thoughtful description. I enjoyed the ride but not sure where it took me


      • #4
        Thanks for the positive responses, the last line bothers me too. Thanks for the advice on how to fix it, honestly, great responses. Lol, I understand the ride criticism, I need a better conclusion I think...


        • amenOra
          amenOra commented
          Editing a comment
          You are welcome. It's markedly alchemical, of course, and the construction reminds me of Timelessness... I think a way to express or embody this quality is exemplified in Japanese poetry, like haiku or senryu. --They can describe nature, or just human nature, and often a lack of "verb" words produces this quality of movement which is somehow so still; but it actually does move ... inside ourselves.
          Anyway, perhaps a further thought might help ... as to 'what' you were intending with this, and what you felt after hearing feedback in relation to your prose poem.

          Some thoughts I had, figured I'd share, hope it elucidates.