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In it together - 52 bars + chorus

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  • In it together - 52 bars + chorus

    Hey guys,

    New user working on a new music album. As English isn't my mother tongue I'm always happy to receive constructive feedback. Here's a verse and chorus of a song I recently wrote:

    Chorus:

    I'm just sharing my thoughts again
    Hoping someone will understand
    That we're in this together hey
    So let's make it a better place

    Forget the borders that cut us off
    The world is home to each one of us
    And we're in this together hey
    So let's make it a better place


    Verse 1:

    Last night, I saw this beam of light
    As, I was caught in a dream of mine
    On what I thought, was just another sleepless night
    But, as I sealed my eyes shut, I was struck

    With a self-esteem so high
    The beam brought me back to a peaceful time
    With a mind being packed with extreme delight
    I could see, yet I was completely blind

    It was nice I was wrapped in a piece of life
    Where a day felt longer than a week and I
    Embraced every thing free from fright
    Cuz as a child... everything just seemed alright

    I find, it's crazy, how perspectives change
    Now I'm riding on the pain from my skeptic waves
    And I'm trying to escape from these hectic days
    Plus I'm fighting to protect my receptive brain

    Yeah I'm guarding it, cuz it's bombarded with
    News articles telling me how dark it is
    'Bout starving kids, about the trash in the ocean
    Our plastic explosion that's harming it

    And... that's just the start of it
    In the midst of all this global warming sits
    It's... kinda hard to grip
    But the hardest bit, is how my heart is ripped

    Cuz in my heart, I know that I'm a part of it
    And it shows in my notes in the bars I spit
    And it shows in my acts how I'm hurting when
    I said I wouldn't but I snapped at my girl again

    ... I love her, and that love's immense
    But love as a term isn't worth a cent
    When affection's being shown with reversed events
    And... way too often my words offend

    I'm venting my burden at her expense
    A perfectionist without a perfect sense
    The greatest gift, this world could send
    To her though is the birth of two amazing kids

    So I'ma make that wish come true and nurture them
    .... Play with bricks, be their perfect friend
    Though, with all that's going on I'm a nervous blend
    I'm, so concerned of when this world will end

    Kids are giving me these feelings that I'm turned against
    Like, they aren't even born and I've murdered them
    Shit... I got to turn the trend
    This, makes me determined to work the pen

    And, stop, being irresponsible
    I'm not, just gonna watch as it get worse for them
    I've been running 'round in circles on this obstacle
    ...It's illogical, I got to burn the fence

    No one person can be optimal
    But I got to believe this is solvable
    Cuz as much as we can be destructible
    As people, we can also be phenomenal


    Chorus:

    I'm just sharing my thoughts again
    Hoping someone will understand
    That we're in this together hey
    So let's make it a better place

    Forget the borders that cut us off
    The world is home to each one of us
    And we're in this together hey
    So let's make it a better place



    Last edited by illerill; 06-04-2019, 05:39 AM.
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