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Bars In The Making

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  • Bars In The Making

    An eye for an eye turns us all blind, who taught the mankind to be so unkind

    The cycle of war and peace has left us in a bind, raging hate among sects is all that I can find

    With the death of an innocent we all fall behind, holy words inscribed in every single shrine

    The budget consigned needs to be redefined for the gaia to shine bright like it ones shined

    The 1% holds half the world’s wealth combined, help the rich get richer just calling it your grind

    This system was crafted by an evil mastermind, make units out of us and keeping us confined

    They watch our every moves and know where we dined, but Facebook wants to know what’s running on your mind

    Now look at every ill timed couplet I have rhymed, each has a story and a protest intertwined

    It is you against you, not yours against mine

  • #2
    Hey, welcome to the forum legspinner23! Strong, opinionated piece... I liked your rhymes, especially mention of "shrine" and "gaia". I said to myself while reading, yeah probably a lot more than half the world's wealth, really... You led me in and waxed poetic on different views of the world, rolling along with your spot on rhymes, which you managed to sustain thru the entire piece. I would be interested in hearing more of this "evil mastermind" from your vantage point, I think there might be something to mine and explore there.
    I look forward to reading more, anyway, if you share!

    Thanks for coming!

    Comment


    • legspinner23
      legspinner23 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I am in the process of adding more to this and keep editing it along the way. Yup, It's is a lot more than half the world's wealth. Hmmm. I'll try to expand on the evil mastermind!

  • #3
    I'll second amenOra 's welcome to the Zone legspinner23 . This piece pounds a definite beat as you read it aloud.

    Comment


    • legspinner23
      legspinner23 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for the welcome! I was listening to Mobb Deep's shook ones pt.II instrumental while penning it. Which is why you hear the pounding beat.
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