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Tape on brick

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  • Tape on brick

    TAPE ON BRICK

    Tape on brick
    Leaves on water
    Bridges over dark matter
    Minds of complexions
    Ability of addiction
    The chance of children
    Long passages forgotten
    The needy
    Always reminding
    Ugly faces of truth
    Unable to stand
    Terror of the work place
    Do you know what it feels like?
    Resolution of death

    RDS
    THE SECOND




  • #2
    How do I say this? I was with ya up until the anti-climax of the ending line. I think it's the phrase which is so plain, uninspired to me. I was a bit confused at the enjambment between "the needy//always reminding" Would a hyphen help; always-reminding, or am I just in scruples? Well that's what i thought about when reading. I liked how voluminous 'long passages forgotten' felt. Anyway, i think this has a lot of good to it, but lacks a coherence, or seems forcibly put together in some places. Thanks for sharing!

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