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25 years then death

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  • 25 years then death

    25 YEARS THEN DEATH

    With a sensual body
    She came
    And with that her lips closed
    November being the last full month of fall
    Silver geese flew above the hospital
    I’ve cherished the quarter
    Rode the elevator with celebrity
    Played ball with Satan and Christ
    Lost my sanity to the insane
    My breath is shallow
    And painful

    RDS
    THE SECOND




  • #2
    Wow, I feel you on this one. The beginning with such momentum... and then the bare reality, which I so have felt as well, that concludes this.
    I'm not sure, "played ball" seems too plain for me, even while I am sensitive to how those plain phrases can be very useful, meaningful. That whole line doesn't "knock" back for me, honestly. It's my least favorite line of this poem, but the others are strong.
    I know how it is, but we can be resigned to good things as well! Ideals can bring so much, and Virtue can sustain us. Fatalism can be overdone, overwrought, but simplicity is key. This works because I sense you're genuine.
    Thankya, the Second, for sharing your poems!

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