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Crying eyes

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  • Crying eyes

    CRYING EYES

    Hard mama coming
    Say bad mother coming
    She has a good love
    Looking for truth
    She has a hard love
    Looking for you
    Looking so hard

    Lay in the high grass
    Hide with those blue eyes
    With kisses that last
    Way into nighttime
    Way into nighttime
    Way into nighttime
    F##k me baby
    Love me girl
    Come on mama
    Show me your world
    Walking down that crooked road
    Gaze into those starry skies
    Conjure up a deep unknown
    Look me through those crying eyes
    Love me through those crying eyes
    Looking through those crying eyes

    RDS
    THE SECOND

  • #2
    I think it's a bit too much, but I never use curse words in poetry, usually. So that one deflated this poem really quickly. The notion of "drama" by such contrast of subject matter and the turning point of "f##k me baby" was even a bit painful! I'm trying to understand plus explain why. It seems to me as if it's more for shock value than that you really meant it; and the drama set up like that, intellectually, doesn't float, but sinks without a splash.
    I liked "hide with those blue eyes" a lot.

    The ending, as well, was jarring to my ear due to the fact of the peculiar "syntax" which it seems more showy than an actual impassioned address. "Look (at)? me"

    At the risk of offending you, I've dared to try and explain 'why' I reacted to your poem in this way. I'm still trying to figure it out Hope you're doing well. And thank you for sharing again.
    Last edited by amenOra; 02-06-2019, 04:48 AM.

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