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She says...

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  • She says...

    She says how sad she is, and i feel it so much like an echo from across the sky: my heart breaks exactly like ice or glass. Full, it was so full before, and we shared such things beyond mere words; melded moods, swimming in the sky like sharks. She watched me go, down that path where words can't go: she stayed still and the sun wheeled and i forget how many days it was able to last. i only know the words of warm love are haunted with everyone else's story, now. Did we succumb to the world of separation, last chances, short tempers and shallow breath? The decoy copy. What love held both our hands, then shut our eyes so we couldn't touch the one - the only one - that we still saw. What love held our breath. I look back, and it's here for us to remember, placed here by you forever. This is what we are. I can't walk backwards over that broken glass, and i am blinded by the mighty sea. You with only words shattered me, and i turned into the waves that hit the beach and floated up the sky. A balloon. Like a novel idea about to go... to be had by somebody else. it's the border on the wallpaper, and the curtains, and the coffee-maker: now, theyre what keep me here ... without you. Pain stops little by little until i dont look back at the scar, and i am determined in my healing. Breathing feels better. Weapons. That's what we made for each other, and now since we'll never go back, we already used the last bullet. Pain looks in my eyes, and i often wonder How love can take that shape. Death mocks with a vacant stare, and I'm growing more patient now. God is in the people, the plants, the crystals, the mountains and mines. We died, and our death was from Sin. Do we wake up separate, then? I have never felt whole. So it must be that now since i am alive, i can figure out what to do about feelings. There is so much i want to share of my broken sinner self -- most of all my repenting and religion and forgiveness. I take other's pain too seriously, and i never fully looked at mine. Peace, i yearn for peace, but in me is a sword to the contrary. This is why i cry. Because walking from my house, i can only stand behind a wall and try to forget my differences with the people of this world. We never speak a word about it. It's been thus since time for me began. Now i wonder at God's creation, knowing the limit is my soul's understanding, and stretching beyond. i want black flags waving on pirate ships of treasured cargo and cannons and muskets. I want underwater expeditions, clouds reflecting off fish, the blue marbled world's light surface hung. I want lethal moonlight, fancy exposure to velvet stars, camera-faces, and monkey wrenches. I want solitary peace spread out like something rare--i want to break open the air, and suck in the thin atmosphere, and smell the leaking ozone there. and none of it matters if it isn't true. I am there. im not sure why.
    i heard the words... i die.

  • #2
    Wisdom is personified as female in scripture...quite a bit of that going on here IMHO.