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  • Felix

    Felix


    When hours are short and light is low

    on a winter's day, came the crow.

    Just one alone I thought, you know,

    how very Edgar Alan Poe,

    singular then, I face my foe

    as eye to eye and claw for claw

    we gage, he above, I below

    cross a muddy yard dragging slow,

    a country road, a glancing blow,

    back broken by a 4x4,

    I wait the final fatal flaw,

    the ninth-life's ebbing dying flow.

  • #2
    Cool "flow" to it, for sure, you gathered up in bunches toward the end. I like the introduction, sets me right in the scene, draws details out -- and it starts with a crow and ends with "ninth-life" where no mention is made express of a "cat" (though I glance at the title now, smiling)
    I remember stopping while someone ran through mud in a dream, a while ago, this reminds me of that realm a bit. My eye sees Allan with (2) L's still. But I'm not sure what's right.

    This is a winter poem, I feel, about long days and Sure ends, either way. With a slight smile cracked. It's pleasant, and I am going to check it out more to see if that ending doesn't contain some 'final' riddle.
    Thank you for sharing, Johntee. Peace + Kudos.

    Comment


    • Johntee
      Johntee commented
      Editing a comment
      It stood unfinished as the first four and a half lines
      ending on "Singular" for three days, the other lines evolved
      while eating breakfast on Saturday morning just drawing on
      what rhymes I could think of for "crow" so I could post it that afternoon.
      The 4x4 doesn't properly rhyme and subsequently other alternatives using 4x4
      at the start of the line have drifted through my mind to be subsequently forgotten.
      Last edited by Johntee; 12-04-2018, 08:52 AM.

  • #3
    A Poe-knowing cat!
    How about that!
    I'm sad he didn't know
    Death would call as a crow.

    Comment


    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      My goodness...are you intentionally rhyming now? Just teasing - it fits - well - and I'm sure JT was delighted!

    • Johntee
      Johntee commented
      Editing a comment
      To take a break from Death's impost
      that day it was the raven's task
      to strike a pose as writing desk,
      as if one such could play a masque,
      a riddle the Hatter chose to ask,
      to stump questionable Alice.
      Last edited by Johntee; 12-04-2018, 09:07 AM.

  • #4
    Nice piece Johntee! The first four lines are simply brilliant!

    Comment


    • #5
      Well done yet again, sir.

      Comment


      • Johntee
        Johntee commented
        Editing a comment
        It has fared better than I expected.
        After posting I felt the final half didn't fit the start,
        especially the Poe line. For a talking cat I should
        have been invoking H. H. Munro (Saki) and "Tobermory"
        or maybe "Garfield"

    • #6
      Originally posted by grant hayes View Post
      A Poe-knowing cat!
      How about that!
      I'm sad he didn't know
      Death would call as a crow.
      great lines.

      Comment


      • #7
        Usually I feel the wrench
        you've had to give your verse
        to fit the constraints of a poem
        has worked to the detriment of lyrical quality
        In this case your own voice has true beauty
        As Poe is amazing.

        Comment


        • Johntee
          Johntee commented
          Editing a comment
          How I'm made to laugh
          seeing my own comment
          turned back on me.
          I apologise if you found it hurtful
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