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In Mystery Charmed

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  • In Mystery Charmed

    One afternoon when I in ramblings be;
    Of bothers none, an autumn’s day enjoyed.
    Alone by choice, my thoughts of only thee;
    In calm and cheery ways was I employed.
    When all at once, I near to swoon, ’tis true,
    A taken by surprise, put out to pause.
    The drama of the day retuned to woo,
    The rearrangement played for my applause.

    It was as if a charm had been released,
    The like of which, I could have taken flight.
    Well, I a tad confused, to say the least,
    Yet silly with the giggles of delight.
    “That’s it!” Says I, when joyously surprised,
    For I, a man in love, I realised.

    apres grant:

    This afternoon as I in ramblings be;
    with ease, my ways, no bothers to avoid.
    Alone by choice, my thoughts of only thee;
    In calm and cheery sorts am I employed.
    When all at once, I near to swoon, ’tis true,
    A taken by surprise, put out to pause.
    The drama of the day retune to woo,
    The rearrangement worthy of applause.
    It was as if a charm had been released,
    And captivating me in evening light.
    Well, I a tad confused, to say the least,
    Yet silly with the giggles of delight.
    “That’s it!” Says I, so joyously surprised,
    For I, a man in love, I've realised.
    Last edited by Tony Grannell; 11-09-2018, 04:11 AM.

  • #2
    when it clicks it clicks. cupid put away that arrow.

    Comment


    • Tony Grannell
      Tony Grannell commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello poemzone, On target and true. Thank you very much. Best regards, Tony.

  • #3
    Oh the realization can be sweet and delicious.

    Comment


    • Tony Grannell
      Tony Grannell commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello Alexandra, Deliciously in love, no sweeter a dessert. Your lovely words are very much appreciated. Take care now, Tony.

  • #4
    Reminiscent of the early days and euphoria, of newfound love!

    Well done, poet!

    Comment


    • Tony Grannell
      Tony Grannell commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello Dwayne, Those were the days, love as sweet as syrup. Any chance of you composing a love poem, with your wonderful command of the English language - no that would be a worthwhile read. All the best to you, Tony.

  • #5
    Tony, I was charmed by this old school sonnet, yet felt a certain disorientation. On picking through it carefully, I found that a mix of tenses was the cause. I've highlighted them as follows:

    One afternoon when I in ramblings be; - i.e. one afternoon when I am in ramblings: present tense in form, with possible anticipation of a future tense to follow.

    BUT
    In calm and cheery ways was I employed - past tense

    BUT then
    When all at once, I near to swoon, ’tis true - present tense (near as finite verb)

    BUT then
    The drama of the day retuned to woo,
    The rearrangement played for my applause.
    It was as if a charm had been released,
    The like of which, I could have taken flight.
    - all past tense

    BUT then again
    “That’s it!” Says I, when joyously surprised, - present tense

    BUT
    For I, a man in love, I realised. - past tense again

    I thought I'd offer a slightly tweaked version, preserving all of your rhyme and rhythm, but rendering all tense present, to harmonise with 'be' at the end of the first line. Alterations are in bold:

    This afternoon, as I in ramblings be
    Of bothers none, an autumn’s day enjoyed,
    ('enjoyed' as participle, i.e. amplified: an autumn's day having been enjoyed)
    Alone by choice, my thoughts of only thee;
    In calm and cheery ways am I employed,
    When all at once, I near to swoon, ’tis true,
    A taken by surprise, put out to pause,
    The drama of the day retune to woo,
    The rearrangement played for my applause.
    ('played' as participle, i.e. amplified: the rearrangement being played)
    It is as if a charm has been released,
    The like of which, I could have taken flight.
    (not sure what to do with 'could have taken'; to change or not to change?)
    Well, I a tad confused, to say the least,
    Yet silly with the giggles of delight.
    “That’s it!” says I, so joyously surprised,
    For I, a man in love, I've realised.


    Now, it may seem a bit odd for the narrator to be describing his present state like this, but that's the only way to resolve that initial 'be' rhyme without having to find an entirely new rhyme in the third line. Not sure I've ironed it all out, and you are the author. Just trying to resolve the timing. Best regards, Grant.

    Comment


    • Tony Grannell
      Tony Grannell commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello grant, Well, thank you so very much, your input is greatly appreciated, it surely is. I have upholstered it here and there whilst keeping it in the present tense, keeping it somewhat odd, a quaint regional quirk to it, if you like. I hope you are still charmed. Once again, thank you very much for gifting your time and knowledge on this simple little sonnet of mine. Most kind of you indeed. Fond regards, Tony.
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