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  • antipathica

    if it's his blue shield of sky
    and the white clouds dance mirrored,
    what intelligence to touch an eye
    softer than the water carrier
    that which tells its olden skies:
    O be that thing I am, but not,
    twice in one word, both forgot.
    if it's his red flaming sword
    lightning shooting skyward, and more:
    what else? a good prop, a pivot,
    a blank look like I'm autogenic.
    nor what that would mean,
    just framed in such a glistening light
    that it's snowing. it's snowing.
    it's his blue shield of sky for sure,
    and the shells around the insects
    cocoon another embrace of curves.
    and that is the day's own bisected.

    but what does this have to do
    with the price of tea in China--
    if it is what I know.
    Last edited by amenOra; 11-06-2018, 11:25 AM.

  • #2
    bamboozled from start to end with this poetry but the last line makes it all add up. funny and really made me laugh. how much is the tea in china now a days


    • #3
      lollol poemzone. I wrote a senryu, dark humored lil poem...

      all i know is
      the price of tea in china

      thought it was clever.funny, glad to get a laugh from you. rather than you think i'm dry and cracking humorless or something. good!


      • #4
        I find this agreeably enigmatic and musically played. The celestial imagery is very strong and concrete, with bold use of colour - always a good move - which makes it just right for the mystery. I like the occasional rhyme mingling with other devices - honourable mention goes to the word / sword / skyward, and more complex in lines 7 to 9 and insects / / bisected in lines 16 and 18. The rueful tone of the common catchphrase in the final lines adds an 'earthing' to the piece - I like that kind of effect, mingling the higher music with dissonantly vernacular passages.


        • amenOra
          amenOra commented
          Editing a comment
          Glad I took the chance with this, for sure, I hope you are doing well Grant

      • #5
        Felt twirled a bit by this one but like that last line. It grounds the twirl - for what we know is what we write.


        • amenOra
          amenOra commented
          Editing a comment
          Tried a different style and approach here, and it's kinda glaring at me, especially that ending, in a not-so-good way, after some time. But I am glad you saw something in it -- I think it was too twirly but glad it "Grounded"

          Take care, blessings

      • #6
        A joy to read with a cool ending. Thank you