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Take My Breath

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  • Take My Breath

    Look my way and catch my breath
    Burning hot like a fire’s neck.
    Grinning wild and wickedly
    Blue eyes piercing dashingly.

    Don’t look away, I breathe for you,
    Loss of your gaze dispels my view.
    Left in a sea of love’s distress,
    Just a span of nothingness.

    Look and talk and smile at me,
    Take my breath once more and see
    When you’re near I am complete;
    You have convinced me love is sweet.

  • #2
    This flows in a song like way and reads well. I am struggling a bit with fire's neck but can't think of any alternative suggestion.

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    • #3
      well and truly smitten. cupid is shooting the arrows. great poetry.

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      • Darthvader
        Darthvader commented
        Editing a comment
        Haha, thank you, poemzone! We have yet to see if cupid hit his target, let's hope he's improved his shot, lol.

    • #4
      Hello Darthvader, Romance is definitely in the air with this breath laden ode to love. A lovely rhythm to this one, ripple-like and proffered quaintly. A lovely poem in all. Very well done. All is well with you, I trust, Tony.

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      • Darthvader
        Darthvader commented
        Editing a comment
        All is thankfully well, though if it weren't there is always at least something that is so. Thank you for reading! Love poems, I'm sure you know, are not my go-to, but I was feeling in the mood, so I'm glad this one turned out all right. I trust you are doing well, yourself?

    • #5
      The desperation of eager love revealed - what can you do but want to give it all? Nice, DV.

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      • #6
        Eager indeed, RhymeLovingWriter. Love is such a silly little joyous thing and I was trying to catch the blissful ridiculousness of it in this piece. Eager, I should think, describes it perfectly. As always, I greatly enjoyed your insight. Thanks for reading!

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        • #7
          DarthV - When you take a half-ounce of sweet Tenderness, one cup of delectable Desire, three drops of lip smackin’ Love and bake for 30 minutes, you get 'explosions' to take your breath away. Good cooking DV. I felt the Boom! Namyh

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          • Darthvader
            Darthvader commented
            Editing a comment
            Wow, thank you Namyh. I'm thinking we should bake this dish on convection, don't you? All the heat would be delivered so much more evenly. Lol, thanks so much for reading!!

        • #8
          I'm convinced!

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          • Darthvader
            Darthvader commented
            Editing a comment
            So glad to hear it, DWAYNE, thanks so much for reading!
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