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  • Until

    Until




    She still cries for you

    She wasn’t your air

    She was just a breeze

    That disappeared




    Those dark haunting eyes

    Those full pouting lips

    Those slender fingers

    The memories




    In your heart she sleeps

    In your mind dreams fade

    In your touch she lives

    Until that day




  • #2
    Suspenseful! I liked the tone you set up, it was simple, and behind that the rhythm too. The repetition of the different elements works well. I love the way it flows to the ear! Kudos and thanks!

    Comment


    • AlexandratheLate
      AlexandratheLate commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you amenOra. I appreciate it.

  • #3
    Beautiful. Romantic.

    Comment


    • AlexandratheLate
      AlexandratheLate commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you very much Dwayne. So good to hear from you in the zone.

  • #4
    You wield this short line style really well, Alexandra. I see you've stuck to a syllabic pattern of 5,5,5,4 in each stanza, with the first words of the first three lines of each repeated - a different way of rhyming. This strict scheme works, the way you've used it; it gives the piece a strength, like an incantation. The last line adds an element of mystery that is captivating.

    Comment


    • AlexandratheLate
      AlexandratheLate commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you very much Grant. I’ve been watching some beautiful Hindi movies and they are like incantations and so beautifully poetic.

  • #5
    Thank you very much Jede for the like. I really appreciate it.

    Comment


    • #6
      This is inspired! It's understated but gorgeous.

      Comment


    • #7
      Haunting AtL! It makes me want to know more of the story.

      Comment


      • #8
        Thank you Paula.

        Comment


        • #9
          Thank You very much Namyh for reading and the like.

          Comment


          • #10
            I don't know why this made me sad, AtL. It's like it's almost a regret. Nicely put together.

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            • #11
              Thank you very much Mutaddo.

              Comment


              • #12
                gone but not forgotten and understanding will be reunited. great poetry.

                Comment


                • #13
                  Thank You I very much poemzone.

                  Comment


                  • #14
                    A beautiful and effective write. As RLW says haunting

                    Comment


                    • #15
                      Thank you Jon. I appreciate it.

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