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what happens?

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  • what happens?

    we meet
    turned into two
    different people.

    or-

    we meet turned
    into two
    different people.

  • #2
    I have mulled this over in mind for a surprising number of times considering it is the same words with just a change of emphasis. Thank you for making me think

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      well I am glad it provided such consideration. Same here. I'm still mulling it over, not sure about it, may seem 'plain'. Thanks for stepping in.

  • #3
    This is an excellent example the effects of line endings on phrases: two short poems, of exactly the same words, with just one word repositioned: turned.

    The first is more logical, and has an easier flow; the line break between meet and turned creates enough of a pause to disentangle the final and initial /t/ sounds. In the second, we meet turned speeds up the line, pushing the adjacent pair of /t/ together. I feel that the semantic weight is on turned in the second, whereas in the first it on meet.




    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      thankya this probably misses some element of senryu but I thought it had some "spark", some interest. i agree with that, eloquent summary. peace!

  • #4
    we meet
    turned into two
    different people.

    Enhanced
    Diminished
    by interchange.
    To stay isolate
    is homeostasis'
    best bet.

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      right-- empathy can cost us a lot to where we need to recuperate, sometimes.
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