No announcement yet.

Wistful day

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Wistful day

    Gazing into the grey sky
    With the crows, I fly.
    And by the window;
    I found myself sitting so low.

    With this rainy day
    In my bed, I lay.
    With every tick-tock going slow,
    I lay in bed hugging my pillow.

    Cold whistling wind, with whirling fears
    whispering through my ears
    Deep into the reveries
    I longed through old memories

    Held to a ball of string
    Like a pendulum I swing.
    Not like Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball,
    But like a gold leaf, swinging while I fall

    In this slumber day, I'm crestfallen
    Hoping that I'm not forgotten.
    By the window with wistful smile
    A lone weeping tree, I'll be for a while.
    Last edited by jede; 09-08-2018, 01:40 PM.

  • #2
    It's morning here now, and I felt this; made me realize how tired I am, wanting to be in bed. Miley Cyrus reference coupled with that image of "gold leaf".
    Slumber day So yes I felt this one and enjoyed the images you employed.
    Liked the rhyme crestfallen//forgotten.
    And the last stanza wraps it up well; I enjoyed that, thank you for sharing jede


    • jede
      jede commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks AmenOra! Your feedback always cheer me up. Thanks again!

  • #3
    Hi Jede and welcome to the zone. I enjoyed this. If I may point out, your rhyming was well done. However in stanza 3 wind and ears stops the beautiful flow like you have in your other lines. I like the title. 😁


    • jede
      jede commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey @AlexandratheLate!
      Thank you for your comment. I actually got stuck at that stanza, haha. I didn't wanna force it. But you are definitely right. I'm gonna think of a better line to make that stanza better. Thanks again for your feedback. Glad you like it