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About to shut

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  • About to shut

    In a woman's wake, an eddy of scented
    mane – gathered and swung in a footbeat's
    trot of purpose – twirls the morning
    stung. An origin sings its need in her mist
    of pestled fruit and blooms – the rumour
    of meadow's nectar older than truth
    and its curses. This press of never,
    blown from her sunlight hollowed blouse,
    crushes tight as a failing vein in a heart
    about to shut, about to blow untimely out.

  • #2
    All the perfumes of Araby
    and all the scents of Sind,
    veiled plume of the mystery
    this woman's heart contains


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      I reckon that's about the nub of it.

  • #3
    Funny, in a way, I had misread "blouse" as "house"; and they both are very interesting images, "hollowed". Rereading this I get different ideas, but the question I get is, "why"; and it might just be Nature "This press of never" seems significant, and I like that tone (seems to switch at that point perhaps to a more "masculine" voice.
    Cool phrasing, which went really well together, and this piece really seemed to breathe! Wild flowers. I'll have to ponder this one, because it's certainly not "contemporary" or ... it is more settled in the past, a feeling I can appreciate. Sensual poem which brings me thoughts of Earth and nature!


    • #4
      ^ Interesting that you find it not 'contemporary', amenOra. That prompted me to think about the diction, and what gives it more a 'past' feel. It's not the individual words; there are no archaistic or quaint ones, although 'pestled' is unusual. It must be the fact that there is an artifice about the way I've arranged the words; a certain meter or cadence that, while not actually formal, gives the sense of something from another time, an echo of 'the grand manner', perhaps. I've come to realise that one of the reasons my material is unfashionable is that it is so tightly rhythmic, and unlike the flow of quotidian speech and thought patterns; in short, too structured, too concise, too dense. I rely overly on the sounds of words rather than the production of striking ideas and 'angles' on a subject.

      As always, your comments help me think about these things, and I appreciate that very much.


      • amenOra
        amenOra commented
        Editing a comment
        i think you provide a lot to think about in your poems, and i noticed more here the 'transposed sound', rhyming, chiming, it's nice; further this all makes me just think of nature in summer intoxicating, plump with berries, probably had to do, too, with the pastoral feel n what i relate to that, personally, which is bygone times, or even timelessness.
        take care!

    • #5
      The title was interesting to me Grant. So I had to see what this was about and I find with your poetry that if I go with my first instinct that I can get the sense of it. If I ponder too long than I feel like I miss the beauty of your thoughts put into unique perspectives. To me this poem was quite beautiful as I interpreted to be nature, seasons and times, a woman and even a horse with feminine qualities as though life galloping to its end - the end could be life, seasons or an era. It’s quite beautiful.