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Solitude

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  • Solitude

    Some days I like to be in the zone
    Taking some times to write alone
    Where my mind brews like potions
    Making thoughts with conjuration

    Feelings are cut deep by the butcher's knife
    Pouring all my emotions from a bleeding pen
    Where I write chapters to my life
    From this small and quiet den

    In this gloomy atmosphere
    I started to feel so torn
    Torn of my fear
    Of this disease that leaves me frail and worn

    My life is a book, prefaced by solitude
    With each chapter written in similitude
    Like a mystery book with many expressions
    I sit in solitude paging through life
    Trying to explain what is depression
    Last edited by jede; 09-03-2018, 09:33 AM. Reason: Spelling

  • #2
    I liked this-- I know the feeling, and there are answers inside yourself! Nice flow and rhythm, I liked the rhymes too. A few "minor" crits: "Scorn" is actually an intransitive verb, which means that, technically, it's grammatically incorrect. "Scorned" would be the adjective, but that seems "clunky", and weird for a 'disease' to keep one scorned. IMO. My first thought was "Of this disease that keeps me feeling scorn" but of course it's a minor issue; I get what you mean! And "chapters" does that need an apostrophe or 'minus' the s? Thanks for sharing, the Zone is a nice place ain't it?

    Ps: And Solitude, I truly believe, is a gift. Peace!

    Comment


    • jede
      jede commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey. Thanks again! Your feedback are always appreciated. And you are right about scorn and chapters. I'm going to edit that soon. And yes, I love being in the zone with all my solitude 😁🙂
      Enjoy your day!
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