Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Ben And Alice

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Ben And Alice

    BEN AND ALICE

    My Mother's name is Alice
    My Father's name is Ben
    They really love each other
    but they argue ----- now and then

    Ben came home ---- late one night
    But he'd promised ---- he'd be home early
    Alice knew ----- other women liked him
    because ----- he was big and burly

    Alice was very upset
    and she was more ----- than a little suspicious
    Alice became very angry
    In fact ----- she was downright vicious!

    Although no evidece -----was ever found
    of Ben ever ------ 'messing aroumd'
    Alice would give him the 'Silent Treatment'
    and woud not talk or make a sound

    Alice would follow him ---- to his job
    and to other places ---- he'd go in town
    And when Ben----would get back home
    all she'd do ----- is stare and frown

    One day Alice ----- got very jealous
    and pushed Ben ------ on the floor
    Ben quickly ----- got back up
    and walked out ----- ther appartment door

    Alice's face was burning hot
    and she ran and grabbed a pot
    She threw it out the door
    It flew ------ but hit the floor

    Ben ----- was very pissed
    so I'm glad ----- the pot had missed
    Alice ran ----- inside the kitchen
    and she threatened ----- to slit her wrist

    I told Ben ---- what Alice said
    He said, ----- "She's crazy in the head!
    The only reason ---- we are married
    is she is awfully ------ good in bed."

    On that note ---- I had to go
    That was more ----- than I had to know
    I rushed ------ back home to Alice
    where she watching ----- her favorite show

    I was worried ---- over nothing
    She never planned ----- to slit her wrist
    But she had me ---- really worried
    And I must say ----- I'm kinda pissed

    Ben ----- stayed away for weeks
    He was staying ----- with a friend
    And I just ----- could not wait
    for this argument to end

    But then ----- one cloudy day
    during very ----- chilly weather
    Ben ----- knocked on the door
    wearing a coat ---- of shiny leather

    The coat ----- was long and black
    and its look ------ was very sleek
    And when Alice ----- opened the door
    It made ------ her legs feel weak

    Ben ------ looked very handsome
    And he was wearing ----- the coolest shades
    Like Morpheus ------ from the Matrix
    he looked sharp ---- as razor blades

    Alice held ------- Ben very close
    then she removed ------ his coat of leather
    She led him ----- to the bedroom
    And that's how ----- they got back together

    Yes ---- my Mother's name is Alice
    And my Father's name is Ben
    They are very much in love
    until they argue once again

  • #2
    Relationships can be roller coaster going up and going down. This a well told story easy to read with a rhyme scheme that helps its flow and helps maintain its pace

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you Parkinsonspoet. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! Much appreciated!

  • #3
    Again, I enjoyed this piece. The narration and familiar tone got to me... the pivot at the point where the only reason he's with her is stated. kinda funny. kind of sad.
    And I liked the images you used, and the references, it all amounted to a well rounded poem, a perspective, I take it, of you exploring more narration abilities.
    Plus I just enjoy such a poem; it's nice to look at!

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you amenOra!. Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on my poetry! Not many poets like to read lengthy poems written by other poet's! Lol! You often detailed critiques, I feel make me a better poet! Much appreciated!

  • #4
    This is beautiful! I think many people in long relationships can relate. It' honest but not overly sentimental. It has humor in the right places and your poetry has a great natural rythm. Im happy you shared it.

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank You, lunar glide your excellent commentary is very much appreciated! It truly helps me become a better poet

  • #5
    Excellent rhymed tale-telling here, Rhymeboy. I like how it turns through a full circle and arrives at the beginning. It's well paced and just the right length, I think. I can imagine it working a treat spoken live.

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you grant hayes for taking the time to review my work and it is greatly appreciated! And . . .You are exactly right I read this piece at an open mike in Oakland and it was received extremely well

  • #6
    I liked it. It had a realistic view and it had a catchy feel to it like the song oh my darling clementine. I liked what lunar and Grant both said. Great job Rhymeboy.

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank You AlexandratheLate for your wonderful critique.

  • #7
    Rhymeboy This made me smile, through and through. Thank you.

    Comment


    • Rhymeboy
      Rhymeboy commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank You RhymeLovingWriter! I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my poem!
Working...
X