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  • Marson spoke

    Marson spoke to this orphan,

    my mother’s mouth explained in the dream;
    Marson: childish addlement of my father’s name,
    he an orphan too, in this protean story, looking after

    the cited offstage girl of a few years,

    counselling, subduing fears
    from just above her tilted ear,
    from just outside his year-old death.
    My mother’s face mildly acted the scene,

    assumed the infant listener’s papery, haunted tone.

    We spoke in a maintenance pit for trains,
    just after my cross-dressed friends
    had passed in Aztec feathers,
    and heels and tights -- You!

    you look outRAGEous! I’d exclaimed

    --- and with them came two others in blue of night,
    cowled and shapeless, taller and small, mother
    and daughter, quickly shuffling off when I

    enquired to learn their names.








  • #2
    An attempt to preserve an uncanny dream I had, by poetising it.

    Comment


    • #3
      This is a cool dream-scene, and definitely "wafts" with the veil between worlds here. I really like what to me is the climax, the cross-dressed Aztecs
      It reminds me of a dream where I was in a school-room, and while sitting at a desk there was a looming, 10-12 foot figure charged with significance, and when the figure walked by I awoke, wanting to scream! A war-cry, it felt like. This one is suspenseful, or something; it has a certain quality of eerieness, otherworldliness, that one might experience in a movie done well, as this is "sequential". And it builds the feeling tone well. Mention of "mother" and how she was described was vivid.
      The middle bit about "mother's face" juxtaposed with that next works well;-- then with the flicker to a next "scene" which is ... moving.
      Does have deep dream elements to it, though I would not have guessed probably it was a dream. I love the idea of making something from dreams, I've also tried with varying success to get it down with eloquence. Think you did well to evoke certain elements in this one which I enjoyed!
      it's the title, too, and opening lines which make for a mystery "islanded" scene setting. Kudos--

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        Your dream sounds like promising substance for poetic development, amenOra. My own observation with dream-derived poetising is that diction is best kept simple and indicative rather than interpretive, to allow the imagery maximal resonance.

        I'm pleased that you find eeriness, otherwordliness and a certain suspense in my lines; those are all effects that I fain would emerge from the piece, though I haven't really striven for them.

        Thank you for such an appreciative engagement with the work, amenOra. ☺

    • #4
      What are Augurs to make
      of this disjointed skull caved dream?
      Elements of loss, present and past entrailed in sacrifice,
      what somniferous presciences
      are borne within these
      rhymes?
      Last edited by Johntee; 08-31-2018, 06:33 AM.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        I would not know, but 'somniferous' is an intriguing word. It leads me on to 'somnify', which I can use, as it is within my syllabic limit of three. All worthwhile.

    • #5
      In the long run poets stand or fall by dreams as much as poems. On your return I notice you less tied to verbal precision than I remember and moreso attuned to intentions. The result is mysteriously clear and so perfect it's like Ive been waiting to read it.

      Comment


      • grant hayes
        grant hayes commented
        Editing a comment
        'Mysteriously clear' is, for me, a valued plaudit, lunar glide. My lines are, hopefully, loosening up a bit, and letting in some light. I hope to keep it up. Knowing that such changes are noticed and appreciated by a poet like you encourages me to keep going. Many thanks.

    • #6
      Originally posted by lunar glide View Post
      .....it's like Ive been waiting to read it.
      I can't formulate higher praise than this.

      Comment


      • #7
        There is a freedom here that adds an element of surprise. It feels like you are more likely to follow your inspiration than guide it. There is still precision here but in a less dominant way. It is a joy to read

        Comment


        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          That's a very insightful comment, Parkinsonspoet; 'surprise' and precision that is 'less dominant' are effects and traits I'd like to maintain a hold on. Glad you enjoyed it.

      • #8
        Well done Grant. I’ve tried to put my dreams into words and have failed miserably.

        Comment


        • #9
          ^ Alexandra, your writing shows that you are naturally tuned in to sensual, emotional, and logical aspects of a subject. Your poems mix sensory appreciation with explanatory clarity about feeling states, remembrance, and life lessons. Dreams defy such treatment; their elusive, weirdly shaped logic displays without telling; events in the dreamscape matter-of-factly dispense with causality and process.

          Even at its most sensually transported, your writing mind works to clarify and explain; dreams present and signify. Perhaps that difference is why you find it difficult to 'put dreams into words'.

          Comment


          • AlexandratheLate
            AlexandratheLate commented
            Editing a comment
            Thank you for the compliment Grant. I have a diverse experience background and I draw on that to try to ‘put myself in that person’s shoes.’ I understand some people try to look at the positive things in life but sometimes at that moment, event or stage of life a person cannot and I dig deep to write how I felt during that time in my life. I’ve had strange dreams but usually forget them but your writing is as though while you were dreaming you were writing it down. That’s pretty amazing. And the fact that many of us can relate makes it even more special.

          • grant hayes
            grant hayes commented
            Editing a comment
            I hear what you're saying about the curative/cathartic function of your poems for others, Alexandra; that context is necessary for appreciating them.

            I forget almost all of my dreams. There was a time many years ago when I taught myself to record them as soon as I woke; I'm a bit too lazy for that now. In the case of vivid dreams that linger beyond waking, I now try to poetise them rather than simply record them in prose. I've found that it's a more effective way of preserving their essence.

        • #10
          Vivid poem! Must have been a vivid dream! Very interesting piece! Well done!

          Comment


          • #11
            ^ Thank you, Rhymeboy. You are a vivid storyteller yourself, so I appreciate your appraisal.

            Comment

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