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Dancing with a Memory

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  • Dancing with a Memory

    Dancing with a Memory


    When I saw you dancing with the memory
    of my dead son

    The torrential rains could not compare with the tears
    your sad eyes shed

    My own grief was overwhelmed by your despair
    As you declined

    for I had lost my son but you had lost your hope
    With no way out

    So through my pain I mourned for you my daughter
    Resolved to help
    Last edited by AlexandratheLate; 08-27-2018, 07:44 PM.

  • #2
    Alexandra that is very powerful and if it is autobiographical my thoughts are with you

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    • AlexandratheLate
      AlexandratheLate commented
      Editing a comment
      No it was a friend of mine that lost her daughter. Very very sad. Thank you for reading and commenting.

  • #3
    Thank you amenOra for the like.

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    • #4
      Thank you Mutaddo for the like.

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      • #5
        The words of a true and understanding friend. I'll be walking this very path again soon, possibly.

        Comment


        • AlexandratheLate
          AlexandratheLate commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you Paula for reading and commenting.

      • #6
        To the responses already given I would add that there is a syllabic structure of 11/4 in each stanza. Almost, anyway. The fourth has 12/4, but it wouldn't be too hard to pare it back to 11/4 if one wanted to.

        Ending the first line of the second stanza with 'the' creates a rhythmic hiccup for this reader. The natural break is after 'tears'; when we speak we link 'the' directly into the next word without a gap. Try it.

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        • AlexandratheLate
          AlexandratheLate commented
          Editing a comment
          Grant I took your advice and slightly changed it. I like it much better. Thank you.

        • grant hayes
          grant hayes commented
          Editing a comment
          It flows nicely, Alexandra. You're welcome.

      • #7
        It's sad until the end, which is a great resolution; I felt this. Shows the good coming from such sorrow. Which is what we need to remember to survive. The good, the truth, the eternal.

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        • #8
          Good can come from sorrow - really depends on attitude and what the person does with their misfortunes.

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