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Bedtime Story

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  • Bedtime Story

    Bedtime Story


    "and in the dragons golden eye

    dwells a life of refining fire,

    accursed child of alchemy,

    to purge a heart and render pure

    the grossest ore, see foul flesh fry

    as in a mighty breath to cure

    all thought of immortality

    for gilded youth who interfere

    in red wine's chaste virginity."

    Its' sip spoke of almond bitter,

    the philtre held no love for her.

    Shaken then but brave-facing fear

    he announced in tones Stentor clear,

    "Stay witch, withhold your bedtime tale

    lest nightmare let loose Legioned hell!"

    Dragonseed sowed, it's all in vain,

    it only remains to intone

    “Hecate, grant a wasting spell.

    With spear and shield sleep well, Jason."
    Last edited by Johntee; 08-24-2018, 08:14 AM.

  • #2
    I liked this poem-story. I was captivated! From the start, the imagery and content flowed well ... but I did however think 'googly' seems to be out of place, (perhaps), and it could be just my opinion. Never heard the term "bowled" -- as in, pegged?
    And the rest of the poem was 'to my liking'. And that beautiful concluding image/intonation... All in all I thought you did well for a Bedtime story, with the rhythm and rhyme flowing with meaning and resonance ... into my charmed ears. Thankya for that!

    Comment


    • Johntee
      Johntee commented
      Editing a comment
      Googly, bowled, and bails are terms out of the sport of Cricket. Initially I started the line with "Crikey!" as the lines are a complete step out of the image, as of a commentator, that steps back into the image at "Stay witch." The initial image that came to me was of the eye of "Smaug" as CGI'ed in "The Hobbit" and I was glad to see it met your liking. I've edited the cricket lines out, replaced with something more in keeping with the rest of this farago.
      Last edited by Johntee; 08-24-2018, 08:17 AM.

  • #3
    Cricket lines
    replaced

    Comment

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