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L'hirondelle

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  • L'hirondelle

    L'hirondelle


    A moment

    captured stop frame,

    that it may not fly free

    imaged in memory,

    a minim, a breath

    in the music

    of time.

    Beyond,

    to my eye

    above, the willow

    swirls a swallow,

    a gape against

    a pearl

    grey sky,

    Africa

    still a month away





  • #2
    ...Sigh... right?

    So beautiful, the flow makes the poem. That ending hits a chord, it's a small condensement of something great. Like a look ahead, I feel that expectancy.

    And I see the title means swallow. I love French! Slowly slowly studying all languages I can!

    Kudos to this simple fancy, Johntee~
    Last edited by amenOra; 08-17-2018, 09:51 AM.

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      ps I also like the formatting!

    • Johntee
      Johntee commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks and thanks again. I have always been struck
      by a name you see on small French boats, L'hirondelle,
      should be so different to English where Swallow as a boat name is equally
      favoured but looking at a German dictionary I can see our word has Germanic
      roots. The formatting shows I'm still in my Shapist period.

  • #3
    The structure and flow of this poem really pushes you forward with a certain impatient expectancy (to reuse amenroa's word). Only to learn we're still a month off.

    I just recently learned of the poetic term, enjambment, which you have used here with perfect effect. Well done.

    Comment


    • Johntee
      Johntee commented
      Editing a comment
      and now I can learn it from you. Enjambment Eh?

  • #4
    Lovely work JT.

    Comment


    • Johntee
      Johntee commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks RLW, when I wrote it
      the two parts of the piece were
      separated by a gap and the other way round
      since it was actually observation followed by
      recall but then with the addition of the Africa line
      it turned out to be better memory first then recalled observation.

    • RhymeLovingWriter
      RhymeLovingWriter commented
      Editing a comment
      Well that is neat to know. I love hearing about poets' process when creating.

      I also love that you've named this your 'Shapist period'. I'm going to take a look back at some of the things I've written over the past couple of years and determine if there's any similarities - enough to establish pattern.
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