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melancholy song

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  • melancholy song

    somewhere deep inside, an algorithm is running.
    it would seem to contain my everything:
    first breath to first word to my first memory.
    a kiss from my mom at my first bloody knee,
    then the lonely fights with siblings, dark days
    into nights i don't remember, trying
    to hang onto what I feel is important--
    in the shadow of the older kids.
    I wonder how much of the screaming
    echoes back there between us. ...

    we writhed in pain to snag the other,
    and drag them down again, so that
    the feeling's not all lost. we kicked
    holes in walls, patched them up, kicked
    again. where are the tears
    that years and years later I've forgotten?
    how is it-- am i dead back there,
    or still alive and wondering?

    we're perched on a draining abyss, our mouths
    move to children's soft voices, and we hear
    the crying and the strainings of such pain--
    but we're still together, there's still forever as
    the fishbowl fills with blue water,-- do we know
    anything else at all but to swim
    as the darkness lights up this room ...
    and I'm lost. what is there to find
    as the darkness lights up this room
    with pale, painful light, and I'm unsure
    what to do with all this meaning.

  • #2
    Beautifully paced; moving, but not grasping at emotion; clear, uncluttered diction; potent ending ... flow is lovely when read aloud. This is very fine work, amenOra. Salutes all round.


    • #3
      Strongly emotive - reverie, evoking a sense of longing. Well titled. I agree with Grant - that ending feels so raw and honest. Effective.


      • #4
        Thanks, guys, appreciate the comments. And that you read aloud! thought about editing so the stanzas were the same length, but then decided it was good as is, really. Why blemish with afterthought, is my thought