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Inaudible

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  • Inaudible

    The night is vivid, everyone is here.
    My head is spinning like a sphere
    My eyes are smiling
    my lips are moving
    With a grin smile, I found myself.

    This atmosphere beckons me.
    Brimming with thoughts, my mind is phlegmatic.
    Body is so static
    In an environment that is so dynamic.

    As I sat across the room, mesmerized with beaming interactions;
    Relinquished of my fear, my mind requires some actions
    The adrenaline quicken to my brain, my thoughts convulse
    As I begin to speak, my thoughts fainted as a pulse
    And my words start to repulse

    Trying to utter my words, felt imposible.
    Like a stolen voice in a nautilus shell, I stay in silence;
    In this fun and frivolous ambience.
    I can only watch and listen, because I am inaudible.
    Last edited by jede; 09-02-2018, 12:14 AM.

  • #2
    Hey I really liked this. It defeinitely deserves more chance to be read more widely. The first stanza was beautiful, enchanting. It pulls me along through the rest of the poem, and that special ending with those beautiful multi-syllabic rhymes!

    I noticed this thing: "I stay silence" -- do you mean 'silenced'? A case of a missing letter, maybe.

    I think it's good, thank you for sharing, jede

    Comment


    • jede
      jede commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you @amenOro for the feedback. I actually meant to write "I stay in silence". Glad you pointed that out.

  • #3
    As a closet introvert (or is that redundant), I can relate to the feelings expressed here. If I've not already said it - welcome to the zone jede .

    Comment


    • jede
      jede commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you!

  • #4
    This sounded like rap to me. Nicely done and welcome to the Zone.

    Comment


    • jede
      jede commented
      Editing a comment
      Lol, I wish I could rap. Thanks for the feedback!

  • #5
    Jede - That was heavy and It captures for me our human need to be seen and recognized even when our voice may be hardly heard or is....."inaudible". Very nice work Jede. Inspires thought. Liked it. Namyh

    Comment


    • jede
      jede commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for feedback! Glad you liked it.
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