Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

to hell

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • to hell

    Colossal turns expedient
    In my military universe--
    The ships on strings sent
    Misapprehended words.

    Signals on the screen blip,
    I am waving and lured, too much,
    Delivery of this skeleton ship
    Mapped in the electronic touch.

    Fiery at the forge I turn my insides out
    And metal faces the prayer of angels
    Sing to this unadulterated eternal spell:
    The booming black voice of the Devil.

    While hanging caught and thus cradled,
    It rains; we're bathing in the smoke;
    Days pass and we've lost control,
    Taken by the pain and sickness -- To Hell.

  • #2
    my imagination runs a little wild with this, the coast of Africa, coffin ships...what I like is it lets me draw my own conclusion. Vincent

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      I know how imagination runs wild! Partly, I aim for that. And partly, I try to be most exact. I appreciate the comment, hope you are well!

  • #3
    AmenOra - Just enough to scare my imagination...and I liked it. Namyh

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there, thanks for the comment. You reminded me that I have wondered why Poetry doesn't quite 'work' in the horror genre. Glad for the scare, hope not too much!

  • #4
    The forge bit reminded me of parts of Blake.

    I am much taken with the first stanza, especially 'ships on strings'. Those three words send many ripples across the pond.

    'Delivery of this skeleton ship
    Mapped in the electronic touch.'

    Very cool. Would like to have come up with those lines.

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks Grant for the comment! Yeah, something about that line "fired me up"; Emily Dickinson comes up for me too, at that line.

      I had thought the first stanza sort of bare, in a way, Glad to know that one connected / resonated.

      And Now I'm getting different connotations of those lines you singled out, things I hadn't seen. I make it a point to look, too.

      Thanks, peace!

  • #5
    PS. So I only noticed this After posting, but perhaps with formatting / screen differences it doesn't translate; ?? -- I see a distinct "waving line" as the end of each stanza (me trying to rein in so it all was same length produced a cool little effect ((to me)

    Comment


    • grant hayes
      grant hayes commented
      Editing a comment
      There is certainly a swell from start to finish. I've often tried to shape poems into slopes and points, and it seldom turns out well; I end up having to contrive a line here or there to fit the pattern, and the thing unravels. It's probably better that any shapes appear by serendipity, as has happened here.

    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      Yeah, I've found the best way to capture that is screw the formatting and Screenshot and trim/crop it Like, have an image file to post, perhaps.

  • #6
    I've read it through a few times - and find it both fierce and sad - simultaneously.

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      I am honored to hear that from you! Are we still in Leo, yes I think so! Sadness like it threatens to drown me, deep sorrow, lately. But we're poets, I had the idea earlier "turn your problems/into poetry"
      seems alchemy enough! take care <3

  • #7
    When I read this it reminded of “The pirates of the Caribbean” but when I re-read it, the line ‘when metal faces the prayer of angels” I found it to read very personal and quite touching. That’s my favorite line. Well done amenOra!!

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for coming by and thinking so! I appreciate it!

  • #8
    This was beautiful to read. And it goes really deep. I love it.

    Comment


    • amenOra
      amenOra commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey Jede Thankya much!
Working...
X