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The Stolen Rose

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  • The Stolen Rose

    I saw her yet unopened love in bloom
    So fearing then another suitor's chance
    I reached to steal it from the hedge too soon
    But felt the sting of thorns upon my hands

    So then instead I chose a diff'rent scheme
    To seize the object of my heart's desire
    With cunning I might steal her love unseen
    And pluck the rose from out within the briar

    I shared with her the places of my soul
    Where neither light nor love before could cull
    I gave and yet somehow became more whole
    And by the time her love had blossomed full

    My heart had found to its great disbelief
    That she'd become the crimson-handed thief
    Last edited by BiocideJ; 08-01-2018, 05:00 AM.

  • #2
    Unhand the rose,
    better yet
    seek heartsease

    Comment


    • #3
      Just what I needed to read this morning BiocideJ ! It's been too long for sonnet reading and remembering. Really nicely done with this piece!

      Comment


      • #4
        Well done, well done. I have to say I enjoyed this thoroughly, and was captured perfectly with it! You have breathed life into what others' might treat in a "trite" manner, but reminding me o that essence -- of caught attention. Captivation.

        Kudos!

        Comment


        • BiocideJ
          BiocideJ commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you. This was written in response to a poetry challenge. To write a sonnet using roses and not make it seem cliche. Your comment encourages me thay I was able to accomplish this.

        • amenOra
          amenOra commented
          Editing a comment
          . that's funny that I was so dead on, well, I don't think I wandered over to the competition (was it submitted as a response here?)

          I just felt such what I said, and noticing it was in iambic (or a meter) and sonnet was a great thing, and I felt such an electricity in it, It's living poetry. Much of what I call romantic, darkly tinged. Just more UPs on this ... you did well with it. The volte worked well to shift things up thanks for sharing.

      • #5
        RhymeLovingWriter I've never really taken to the sonnet form before (this is only my second and the first in true Shakespearean form), but while on the one hand I find the lines a bit long (compared to what I've become comfortable with) I do find there is good freedom to really say what you mean. I'm sure this is why it is such a romantic form.

        (this was meant to be a reply)

        Comment


        • #6
          @Biocide .. that's funny that I was so dead on, well, I don't think I wandered over to the competition (was it submitted here?)

          I just felt such what I said, and noticing it was in iambic (or a meter) and sonnet was a great thing, and I felt such an electricity in it, It's living poetry. Much of what I call romantic, darkly tinged. Just more UPs on this ... you did well with it. The volte worked well to shift things up thanks for sharing.

          Comment


          • #7
            Elegantly handled form, and charming subject. Very accomplished piece, Biocide. I'm wondering if the tenth line could be rearranged slightly:

            From: Where neither light nor love could before cull

            To: Where neither light nor love before could cull

            Does that improve the flow, in your ear?

            Comment


            • BiocideJ
              BiocideJ commented
              Editing a comment
              Actually, I had considered that exact revision and for some reason thought it wouldn't work because it would disrupt the iambic pattern. In actuality setting it done, however, I see that not only does it not, but that it is actually less disruptive. Thank you for the feedback.

          • #8
            Nice sonnet biocide. I truly enjoyed it. Thank you.

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